I personally love Second Life™ voice. Afterall, it saves me so much typing that I genuinely believe my chances of ever getting repetive action induced arthritis in my fingers are substantially reduced. Well. Maybe. Anyway, that isn’t the point. I love voice because it enables you to relate to people on a more personal and genuine level. Ok, so cue all the anti-voicers complaining that it excludes the deaf or that it’s unreliable and so on. Myself, I find SL voice to be just as reliable as Skype or any other VOIP service. And while I can appreciate that the deaf may feel excluded by voice in world, anyone with an ounce of consideration, myself included, would type for the benefit of those in that situation.

But anyway, I’m not writing to debate the pros and cons of voice in virtual worlds. I love it. You won’t change my mind. What I don’t like, however, are those who are incapable of using their microphones. It is not rocket science, is it? Switch on, don’t swallow it, mute when belching. It’s simple…. you would think.

In particular this is a problem at voice events, such as stand up comedy, spoken word and poetry events or staged plays. So here we have it, the biggest mic faux-pas!

1. The Love Poem… Interrupted

Shall I compare thee to a…… giant belch? It doesn’t matter how talented you are. It doesn’t matter how beautiful your imagery is. It really is irrelevant just how much emotion you packed into that poetic masterpiece of yours. When you belch it, it’s hideous. And this doesn’t just apply to readers of poetry. It applies to everyone. Belching down the microphone deliberately? Really? For the ‘isn’t it funny when I belch?’ types, I suggest www.virtualkindergarten.com/stopbeingsofrikkinsick. Yes, farting down the mic is disgusting too. Really… grow up. Get some decorum.

2. The One That Nobody Heard

Leaving your microphone on the next continent means that nobody can hear you, no matter how high they turn up their volume. JUST PUT THE MIC CLOSER TO YOUR BLOODY MOUTH!

3. Whoah, Not THAT Close!

You might have the best microphone in the world, but my guess is that it doesn’t taste so great. And I’m thinking nobody else particularly wants to hear you attempt to swallow it. And here’s a hint, you probably don’t need to scream down the microphone. We have headsets too. You don’t need to rely on the wind to carry your message across the Atlantic.

4. Not Suitable For Everyone

Some things really ought to be kept to a private voice call. Some seem to fail to realise that everyone around you on the spatial voice channel can hear you. And certain more intimate moments really should not be shared. There is no need to tell the entire of the store you are in what you want her to do with her nipples. By the same token she really needn’t tell half of that PG welcome area where she wants you to put your tongue. PRIVATE CALL, PEOPLE!

5. Ouch!

Static hurts. It’s that simple. If your mic is broken, if it crackles, if it screams, if it whirrs… if people constantly tell you your micrphone hurts their ears, don’t use it. Give your work to someone else to read and please just type. It’s the Second Life equivalent to standing next to someone and repeatedly hitting them across the face with a heavy, blunt object.

6. The Time To Mute

If someone else is reading or performing, why is there always one person who insists upon having their mic on hands free in order that, as well as the performed, we can hear said audience member’s children, dogs, husband, breathing and typing. Find the mute button. Please.

7. The Voice DJs

Want to DJ? GREAT! Get a STREAM like the rest of the pixel population. You don’t have to walk around the entire grid with your mic on hands free belting out dodgy tracks over your speakers. In fact, it would be a lot better if you didn’t.

A quick search indicates a lack of ‘Microphone Etiquette’ classes in world. Someone should fix that.

And don’t forget the golden rule…never trust yourself on hands free when drunk

Suddenly I don’t feel so bad about my gaming addiction….

ROFL!!

I was trawling the web a short while ago for Second Life related articles and news stories. I’m sad like that, you see. But anyway, seeing that there was nothing massively groundbreaking happening today, I went back for interest’s sake and looked at older articles. And what astonishes me is the sheer amount of press and publicity in the past two years all geared towards the idea that because so many big real life corporations have failed in Second Life, SL is therefore shit. Ok, so it’s often worded a little differently but the point remains the same.

What a load of bullshit.

These huge corporations who go into world throwing ludicrous amounts of money at more sims than they need, paying over the odds for amateur sim designers and then complaining that it didn’t work out for them after investing however much money are taking entirely the wrong approach. This is not the same as real life. The rules are different. In real life, would you ever find one single man with very little money able to set up a car plant and manufacture vehicles to compete with the likes of Nissan? No. In Second Life, anyone with some scripting and building knowledge can make a car and when they’ve built one, they can copy it as many times as they like with a click! They can sell as many of them as people will buy with no reliability on resources, employment or running costs. In real life, it would be hideously unlikely that, for example, a fashion design student would release a line of clothing and have it become as sought after as the relseases of Versace or Armani. In Second Life, a talented Photoshopper with an eye for what looks good can easily set up their own clothing store.

And therein lies the source of the problem. The corporations coming into Second Life have no understanding of the community within. This is a world created by its residents and its active inhabitants are fiercely proud of their content. It isn’t possible to just bring in a big flashy company name, announce your arrival and have everyone flock to your islands and worship you. No. It simply does not work that way.

For a start, why are these companies coming in? Do they even know? It is unlikely, I would imagine, given how irrelevant the sums of money would be to such large businesses, that they come here solely to retail virtual versions of their products. I would therefore assume that it’s for brand awareness, some form of publicity stunt or, my favourite…. because everyone else is doing it. I really fail to see the objectives of many of the corporations coming into game and have to wonder whether they even have them! Surely entering a venture without a plan, intention or aim is always going to end badly.

For those coming into world for brand awareness, the focus should be on building up a presence. Give people a reason to visit your island. And for Heaven’s sake, think outside the box! This is Second Life!!! Don’t give me a frikkin T-Shirt with your logo on! Give me a pair of wings that turn me into a rocket and launch me a trillion miles into the sky! Who, in Second Life, is going to go out of their way to visit a boring corporate sim for a bloody free shirt? Nobody. Come on, people! Let’s have some imagination.

The other issue is the real life marketing gurus who come into Second Life, hired by these corporations and who think that everything they learnt in Marketing 101 at their posh university will stand them in perfect stead in virtual worlds. And that doesn’t work either. Tear up the text books! In a community where 30% of the active residents are creating and selling content, your competition in tougher and your audience arguably more reluctant. Ok, so marketers are vital, yes. BUT… not as vital as the knowledge and understanding of those who have been actively taking part in the Second Life community and who have, by trial, error and sheer volume of time, learnt what works, what doesn’t and what never will.

So, Mr. Corporation, let’s put your toys back in your pushchair and stop whining about how crappy Second Life is because you were incapable of working it to your advantage. The platform is not perfect. Then again what is? But Second Life has everything a company would ever need to be able to completely immerse a person in a product, service or idea without that person even leaving their computer. But it won’t happen automatically just because you have a big brand name. There’s enough monopolising of markets by big brand companies in real life already. The SL audience is not as easy to win over! And personally, I like it that way.

So… today I received an invitation to someone’s funeral in Second Life™. Somewhat concerned by this odd invite, I IMed the sender immediately to ask of the wellbeing of the person whose ‘funeral’ this was. ‘What happened to him?’ I asked. ‘Oh nothing, but he has to leave SL.’

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Ok, I had to get that out of my system. I feel better now. But seriously, what is wrong with people? A funeral for someone because they leave Second Life? What?!?!?! Would you all hold a funeral for me if I was going to be unable to check my email for a while? NO! Would you bollocks and if you did I would have you sectioned! Every single one of you. This new level of insanity is a little bit worrying, don’t you think?

I can get my head around memorial services in Second Life when SL residents die in RL. Afterall, we all make good friends here and a chance to say goodbye is always a wonderful experience. But funerals for the living are, well, entirely crazy. And come on… how many times do people say “I’m leaving Second Life,” and never mean it? You know the sort. They fight with someone, they declare that they are leaving, change their profile to some hideously depressing song lyrics about being eternally in unrequited love/pissed off/emo and then log out. But before they even hit the uninstall key they have logged back on, are repartnered to someone else and have exchanged aforementioned lyrics for a list of cheesy cliches about the latest love of their life. Alternatively they log out and create an alt so nobody knows they are back! The point is that a funeral is supposed to be a final goodbye. It’s kind of wasted if the person whose funeral it is can just pop up at any time to say ‘hey’ and catch up on the latest drama, isn’t it?

Urgh… cue a surge of pixel funeral homes.

For the record, I declined that invitation.

Another perfect world is a Channel 4 documentary, which aired on More 4 in the UK this week. I am always sceptical when it comes to documentaries about virtual worlds, as it seems they are frequently misinformed dramatisations centred around one case of some bloody nutcase who decides she is going to abandon her several children in favour of building a pixel home and having prim babies with some computer geek sitting in his Mother’s basement some ten thousand miles away.

However, I decided to give it a go on the understanding that this was apparently a little different. And indeed it was. Another Perfect World opens by describing the creators, founders and residents of virtual worlds as “the next generation of pioneers, pushing back the frontiers of a new civilisation and having to determine how to build healthy, functioning societies from nothing.” Instead of looking at exclusively at Second Life, this documentary tackles a number of virtual worlds and the problems and plus sides from a more educated and informed angle than the previous sensationalist TV offerings have done.

For Second Lifers, there’s an interview with Philip Rosedale and plenty of footage shot in Second Life.

It’s actually pretty interesting watching. I wno’t give a running commentary on it as that would defeat the object of you watching it. But for those of you in the UK, this is showing on More4 Catch up until 23rd July 2009. You can find that by clicking here. Anyone outside the UK, I don’t believe this will load for you! However, a quick Google search under “A Perfect World More 4,” just might yield results )

Enjoy!

Hypatia of Alexandria is the first play by Canadian writer, Skylar Smythe. Inspired by her research into the life of this renowned mathematician, philosopher and astronomer, Skylar brings to the stage a biographical insight into a woman who remains, to this day, one of history’s most eminent scholars.

Daughter of Theon, Hypatia came under scrutiny both for her decision to renounce sex and marriage in favour of academics and for her paganism in a time when Christians sought to eliminate pagan society from Alexandria. Hypatia was to meet a tragic and brutal end at the hands of a mob of Christian monks and her works disappeared in something of a futile attempt to erase her from history.

So moved and inspired by this historical scholar, Skylar embarked upon the writing of her first play, tackling the challenge of bringing Hypatia’s character to life for a remarkably wide and varying audience.

Just entering the early stages of production, Hypatia of Alexandria has, what you might call, ambitious plans. It will play to inhabitants of upwards of forty countries around the world. The lead role is in Australia, the writer and director in Canada and the cast from the USA and other countries! Oh, and it will play in a huge purpose built Greek theatre in the sky. Not exactly what you would call a typical play, I suppose.

This is because Hypatia of Alexandria is being produced and staged in the virtual world of Second Life™. Most of you, I am sure, will know of and use Second Life. But for those of you who stumbled upon this post off the back of an entirely unrelated Google search, Second Life is a virtual world in which all content is created by its users. Visit www.secondlife.com to find out more.

Second Life is becoming an increasingly respected platform for educating, for fostering the literary arts and as a means of access to the arts for those who might ordinarily have had no such access. After all, not everybody can afford frequent trips to the theatre in real life. And it isn’t just the audience who gain. It is incredibly difficult for previously unproduced stage writers to have work taken into production. Using this virtual world, Skylar is able to showcase her own original stage play to an international audience at absolutely minimal cost.

The play is an entirely original work, written largely in sonnet form and is a profound account of the life of a fascinating icon. Skylar does a remarkable job of personifying Hypatia on a feminine level and enabling the audience to relate to her.

I won’t offer too many spoilers. Instead I suggest that you make a date and go along to one of the showings. The play is sponsored by TLE Educational Network and as soon as dates are confirmed, you will find them right here! In the meantime, if you have any questions in regard to the play, feel free to drop an IM on Skylar Smythe in world.

So, this morning saw rather bad login issues on Second Life. Oh well, the world won’t end! But once I finally logged in, it was only a matter of minutes before this message came through:

So, they want to make us aware that some people can’t get in game…and they do this by announcing it as a message IN GAME!!! Ok, smart arses…you didn’t really think that through, did you? What a waste of someone’s energy and what a wonderful ‘in pictures’ way to define, “POINTLESS!”

Skylar Smythe, Second Life resident and poet extraordinaire, wows us with her words on a regular basis!

But is there more to Miss Smythe than meets the eye?

Sorry, Sky. Couldn’t resist!!

Finally! A place for those who love the sound of their own voice!

Ok what this actually is, is an entire region dedicated to testing to see if your Second Life voice works. No, it isn’t witty, it isn’t offensive, it isn’t funny… but rather useful so I thought I would share (for those who have not seen it yet) Torley’s video about the new region, Voice Echo Canyon!

You can reach Voice Echo Canyon by clicking here!

Might be worth mentioning that it’s a PG region. I probably should have noted that before I went off there a short while ago to swear at myself.

My avatar has suffered something of a complex for a while. He’s been feeling a little unmanly. In order to compensate I have logged in on many occasions to find him roaring, watching football, beating his chest, drinking beer and swinging through the pixel jungle on ropes. No, not all at the same time.

And finally I realised what was missing. Such a small thing that men in real life take entirely for granted during the summer season.

Oh the humble barbecue. An opportunity to devour meat (of varying qualities), risk food poisonining and get drunk (and completely dehydrated) in the sun. Actually who the Hell am I kidding? Sun in the UK? Our barbecues take place in torrential rain.

And of course, the testosterone challenge. We do know that poking the burgers won’t make them cook faster. We know this! Honestly. Logic does dictate to us that rolling instruments over the chicken legs will not make them taste better. And being the practical brand that we are, it is not something we are unaware of. BUT… there’s this switch inside us that goes off at barbecues. For a moment logic takes a backseat and some primal urge to show how fierce we are (albeit by poking at meat ‘hunted’ in the local store with instruments long enough so we won’t burn our fingers, but whatever) takes over. And no matter how hard we try to resist, we MUST pick up the spatula and we must poke the meat. The switch tells us that failure to do means you must forsake your gender. And this is why ALL men at barbecues will at some point, invariably, poke the meat (stop being a perv, I don’t mean it that way)!

Today I let my avatar loose to poke pixel burgers with a virtual instrument. He feels better.

As a side note, I found this barbecue at Motion Merchant. The Creator is Johan Durant and you will find the store by clicking here. So if your avatar desperately needs to do some burger flipping, that’s where to go. Even better, get a few of your female friends to go with you and watch you aimlessly poke the burgers. That, my friend, makes you even tougher.