Pixel Scoop

I have a question. Yes, another one. Why do so many people have bathrooms and kitchens in their pixel homes? I personally do not. It’s fair to say that no houses in game are necessary as such, yet so many of us have them! It isn’t necessary to have seats, as our avatars won’t feel uncomfortable if they’re standing up for too long. It isn’t necessary to have shelter, as it doesn’t even rain unless you buy the right gadget. Our avatars will not feel too cold, nor will they feel to warm. In fact, a house really isn’t necessary at all. Yet the vast majority of people I know do have them.

For myself and Jenee it’s a place to hangout and put up pictures. It’s a mutual space to keep things we like to look at a lot and we really do have the bare minimum in there. Seating downstairs and a fireplace (it has to look pretty when you live with Jenee). A bed upstairs and other, ahem, animated furnishings. Like I said. The minimum. We have enough seating for our friends to come round without having to rezz plywood prims to sit on. (Plywood prim seats are like soooooooo last year). We have everything we like to see out on display. It’s just shared space. Not necessary, admitedly. But pleasant, enjoyable. When you’re on opposite sides of the world, this shared area, whether pixelated or otherwise, is one of the only ways to really share anything private.

Which begs the question, why do people put bathrooms and kitchens in their in game homes? No more pointless than houses in general, of course. But does anyone really get any pleasure from them? With the exception of the more mature rated animated ones, that is. I don’t know about you, but I have never personally felt the need to have my avatar cook. And I definitely have never, ever, ever felt the need to have him whip down his pants, take a seat on the toilet and mimic the less dignified of human actions. Never have I felt that urge. If ever I do feel the need to take Josue off for a toilet break, I will hit ctrl + Q, I will uninstall the client and I will have myself checked over by a qualified psychiatrist.

I’m not saying that EVERYTHING in game should have a purpose. I think half the fun of Second Life™ is that it doesn’t always have to have any reason whatsoever. Why am I flying around with my shoes up my ass, dressed like a giant lemon with a house on my head? Because I want to. And that’s fine. But if something doesn’t have a point, it should at least be pleasurable. What is pleasurable about a kitchen or bathroom? Ok, of course there will be some people who have bathroom fetishes and so on, I’m sure! There’s always one! But really? Bathrooms? Doesn’t half the enjoyment of Second Life come from not having to wash clothes, not having to eat, not needing to do housework and not needing to go to the bathroom on command of your bladder (which, after a few drinks, can be frequent)?

In this time of Second Life resource overconsumption, perhaps we should campaign. Save prims. Do away with bathrooms.

Anyway, as I was rambling on about our little pixel home, I may as well let you all take a look:

I would invite you all around for a cup of tea and some dinner. But I don’t have a kitchen.

Hangbags, rucksacks, shopping bags, bin bags….whatever. Why do people use them in Second Life™? In case these serial accessorisers haven’t noticed, we all have a big magic ‘bag’ of sorts, a sort of box that folds up neatly to be carried around on your client, not taking up too much space, weighing nothing (in physical terms at least) and that carries thousands upon thousands of items. Better than that… it’s FREE. Yes, I’m talking about your inventory. Why do people insist on carrying bags around? Save yourselves the effort of ‘right click, wear’ because, shock horror (sorry to ruin anyone’s disillusions here) your bag does not contain anything.

But while people insist on having them, I thought I should at least attempt to figure out exactly what these pointless bags say about their wearers!

Bag 1. The cutesy ladies handbag. Just to accessorise an outfit maybe? What difference does a pixel bag make to your outfit?

Ok, admittedly, this bag gives off a whole different statement when worn by a guy.

Bag 2. The guy bag. The ‘check me out’ bag. The ‘I don’t even need this but don’t I look good’ bag.

In answer… no. it does not look good. It looks like you are carrying around a pointless, empty bag.

Bag 3. The ‘my boyfriend just left me his pixel credit card so I MUST shop and I MUST show the whole world that I am shopping’ bag.

HINT: the contents of this bag are already in inventory. The bag is EMPTY and thus, POINTLESS.

Bag 4. The ‘I will take any piece of crap I can find in the world and just hang it off my bag’ bag.

Save the world. Recycle. Hang your trash on your bag.

So there. 4 bags. All empty. All pointless. I did, however, during the, ahem, ‘research’ I carried out for this post, come across a bag that does serve real purpose in game.

The ‘I cannot face this pixel world today’ bag, also conveniently full perms to enable me to pass out to those whose faces I am getting, quite frankly, sick of seeing. Kudos to creator, Zim Andric for this amusing little idea!

Wow. Bag intepretation. I think I just discovered a whole new level to myself. The style mags are calling……

Neko, Furries, all the stuff, is kinda cool. Admittedly, it isn’t for me, but I can see how some neko avies look awesome. Let me tell you what I don’t get, though. People roleplaying as family pets. I have encountered this a few times now. On one occasion I was pottering around, as you do, when I was approached by a dog avatar (which was followed by its ‘owner’). We’ll change the avatar’s name of course, for the purpose of example. But the ‘dog’ repeatedly informed me of what it was doing. “Dog Person sniffs the stranger.” “Dog Person pees against the lamp post.” Only… it wasn’t sniffing or peeing. It was just standing there, same as everyone else doing nothing.

I often wonder why people choose the roles they choose in game. Me, I’m human, believe it or not. So I decided on a human avatar…then again I’m no roleplayer either. But even for self-confessed roleplayers, I cannot see the appeal of playing someone’s pet. Who wakes up in a morning and thinks to themselves, ‘Alrighty, well today I’m gonna get myself online and run around a pixel field chasing things on demand of someone,  pretending to lick my own balls and typing up in detail things you might see a dog do. Yeh, sounds like another worthwhile day all planned.’

Ok, ok, so dogs are great. Everyone likes dogs. But that doesn’t mean I would like to be one. It would be nice to be able to lie in every morning and have my only care in the world be how many times a day I get to take a walk. But then again, a lot of unemployed humans get to do that too, right?

Seriously, if someone can explain the appeal of pretending to be a dog… or a cat or ferret or bloody goldfish for that matter, then please go ahead. For me, spending the whole day talking about peeing up against walls, sniffing strangers, scratching my ass against the ground and wanting a pat on the head, well it just doesn’t hold that much attraction.

Chat up lines. They’re terrible at the best of times. Cliched, unimaginative and often followed by swift slaps, complete humilitation or worse.

Now for some reason, chat up lines in Second Life™, just when you thought it was not possible, are actually WORSE than in real life. My girlfriend is frequently hit on with some of the most appalling lines I have ever heard, including most recently ‘GIME SEX’. Well, at least it’s to the point, right? But surely if someone is going to attempt to woo their target with such ‘elegant’ lines, they could at least spell them correctly! And have a look at the latest in a long string of really appalling attempts! I am using her name with permission, but I will save his utter degradation by referring to him under a name I will just make up!

[2008/06/19 22:49] Mister Loveshimself: You know how they say skin is the largest organ? [2008/06/19 22:49] Jenee Marten: lol yes [2008/06/19 22:50] Mister Loveshimself: Not in my case

I attribute some of the most appalling lines used in game to the fact that people have lower inhibitions. This, for some, obviously equates to a total lack of self-respect as well. I often wonder what the real life consequences of some Second Life behaviour would be. I can’t imagine that a guy walking into a bar and going up to a girl saying ‘GIME SEX’ would be received very well. Although I suppose that depends on the bar as well! I see only three realistic outcomes:

1. The famous drink in the face. With one swift flick of the wrist, her drink is all over his face. His dignity is on the floor. His friends all point and laugh. Her friends look on at him in disgust. And then she charges him for her wasted drink.
2. The well-known slap in the face. A faster flick of the wrist this time, engaging the palm of the hand in some pretty solid contact with his face. As above, dignity is gone. His friends point and laugh. But worse than above, he has to try and pretend it does not hurt. Her handprint is emblazened on his face in a bright, glowing red and he smiles and laughs in the direction of his buddies, eyes watering, muttering something like, ‘Ha, she slaps like a girl.’ HINT: he will go home and look in a mirror later on, feeling terribly sorry for himself and inspecting the damage done.
3. She tells him bluntly, ‘You couldn’t afford me’. And then walks off hand in hand with the millionaire she is accompanying that night. Once again, dignity on the floor.

So I think it’s fair to say that in this case, certain Second Life behaviour probably would not transfer to real life so well. Anyone care to try? Let me know how that goes!

Alrighty, well first up… I have returned from my vacation! Thanks to Jenee for posting the drafts I left. Fewer thanks to Jenee go for the slanderous last post about me! LOL.

Anyway, I’m back and ready to whinge, bitch and moan like a nosey next door neighbour all over again. Today, it’s those people who so blatantly partner their alts!!!!!! I can understand some people do it (I am told) to keep others in game from hitting on them. I suppose this is like the virtual equivalent of a girl in a bar telling the weird guy who keeps trying to buy her a drink that she ‘has a boyfriend’. Little does he know that actually, by boyfriend, she means a vibrating gadget and that she would rather date a cross between Satan and Hitler than ever even be within a two mile radius of the aforementioned weirdo.

But those people who partner their alts and then pretend it isn’t their alt. That’s just weird. Their profiles have the same spelling mistakes. They both have the same typos frequently. And amazingly, so synchronised are they that one never, ever, ever, ever starts typing while the other is typing. Wow. Incredibly, they both go AFK at the same time too and worship each other equally, singing one another’s praises (using exactly the same adjectives) until the end of time. Awww. Isn’t it sweet how in love with one’s alt one can be!

I just don’t understand it. It’s the pixel equivalent of someone inventing a boyfriend/girlfriend in real life. Why is it so important for people to have partners that they’d create an alt just to get someone to partner with? Is it really that important?! Confusing stuff!

Hi everyone! Some of you may or may not know that Josue has been out of town for two weeks now. He left some articles saved and I have been posting them for him while he’s gone. He thought it was a great idea to leave me with his login information to Pixel Scoop! Muhahaha! Oh, live and learn!

So, here’s my idea. Since we all sit here day after day and listen to Josue rant about the game and the people that play it I thought it would be a good idea for his readers to listen to his girlfriend reveal some things about him for a change!

So let’s get started!

*Grins and rubs her hands together*

Introduction and background first.

My in-world name is Jenee Marten. I have been dating Josue for close to a year and have met him in real life too, so what better person is there to give you all the dirty little details? I don’t mean THOSE kinds of details, sheesh!

Oh he’s going to spank me for this… LOL!

Onward!

1. He doesn’t shut up! Holy hell, give that man a mic and hands free and you’re in trouble! Even if he’s just cleaning out his inventory he’s got to tell me about every single object, “What is this?” “Why do I have this in my inventory?” “Oh I remember this now, but why did I keep it?” When he works I hear about every task he does in detail, “Ok, so first I have to move this over here, then pick this up, etc” One night after he’d been out drinking I listened to him tell me about his dog for close to two hours. I didn’t interrupt; I just let him ramble while I painted my nails LOL!
2. Word wars. This man is a walking dictionary! It’s just too bad that he’s British and I’m American so 90% of his words are incorrect. Whose idea was it to call a shopping cart a ‘trolley’?! A trolley is those train things you ride on when you’re in San Francisco. ‘Raunchy’ means gross or disgusting not sexy! And how on earth is ‘router’ pronounced like ‘rooter’? Does ‘out’ sound like ‘oot’? Also, replacing a ‘Z’ with ‘S’ or adding a ‘U’ in words is a common misspelling amongst Brits. Example - the word ‘favorite’ becomes ‘favourite’. Even my Word is telling me that ‘favourite’ is incorrect with the little red squiggly line underneath! I win!
3. Feet are banned! Yes, you read that right… for some reason he’s squeamish about feet. He doesn’t scream like a little girl when he sees them but he would just rather not look at them or, God forbid, touch them. So I guess for the rest of my life I won’t get a foot massage after a long day at the office. Poor me.
4. The forbidden color. Josue is a die hard football fan (soccer for us Americans). Manchester City’s color is light blue and their rival team, United, wears red. And because of this, and this alone, red is forbidden. You will never see him wear red and he scowls when I do! My car in real life is red and the first time he saw it he looked over at me and said, “I can’t believe you drive a red car, I’m going to have to buy you a new one.”
5. Toys. Ok, we’re not talking about the good kind of toys, like the ones that I get delivered to my door in discreet brown paper wrapping. We’re talking about gadgets and stuff. Josue will buy things in game just to see how they work! Sometimes expensive items and he’ll just take them out, play with them for a few moments, say “Oh, I see how this works now”, puts it back into his inventory and never see it again. What is it with men?! He could’ve taken me out and bought me a dozen sexy lingerie sets for the price of that thing! In real life he’s worse, here’s an example. One day he’s complaining about a socket on his laptop that doesn’t seem to be working anymore. What would a normal person do? Take it to get fixed, right? Not Josue. Next thing I know he had ordered himself a brand new laptop and was starting to browse the desktop computers. He sent me a link and said, “I think I’m going to get this one. Look at the blue lights!” All I could do was roll my eyes (thank God webcam wasn’t on) and say, “That’s nice, babe.”

All in all, our quirks are what make us unique. The fun part of any relationship is discovering them! I have had a blast learning about Josue. Everyday I find out something new about him. And I think I’m already in enough trouble by sharing only a few so I will leave this for now.

Babe, when you read this I want you to know that even though I think you’re totally insane I also am completely positive that you’re perfect for me. I love you so much, you are everything to me.

- Jenee

Ok ladies (and some guys too I guess), a genuine question. Why does your avatar need fifteen different hairstyles?

Ok, so it’s a sweeping generalisation and I am sure I am opening the floodgates here for all sort of sexism accusations and replies from female avies telling me they have only one hair do! But of all the female avatars I know, I don’t know a single one who has the same hairstyle on all the time.

And it isn’t even like marginally different… not like in real life where you might do your hair a bit differently from one day to the next. it’s like completely different. One day, you could be a cute blonde with long curly hair, the next day you’re a punk with a black mohawk! It’s kind of hard to keep up!

It’s like skin changing…. also sort of insane. Only in Second Life™ would you ever hear someone tell you they’re changing their skin. Well, Second Life or some twisted horror movie, maybe.

It takes a certain level of arrogance, I feel, to appoint yourself Overlord in the war against griefers. But it seems there are no shortage of people doing just that. There are an increasing number of groups in game who claim to be there to protect us all and so on. What the real purpose of these groups is, in my humble opinion of course, is plain and simple ego-boosting, power tripping and a fairly pitiful excuse to use their pixel guns ‘for the good’ of avatar-kind. I can’t decide what I find more pitiful…the fact that people set them up or the fact that others (in some cases in their hundred) join them!

Some of the most popular ones, in their group charters, are somewhat excessive too! Take this one, for example. “The Griefer Slayers are all about killing every annoying Griefer in SL!!! So if you hate Griefers and think they should all die, sign up for this group.”

Erm, is it just me that thinks that’s a little excessive? Granted, griefers are assholes. But death?! Wow… if the death sentence can be applied for prim littering then we have some serious proportional punishment problems.

But as well as being a little psychotic, I think anti-griefer groups just encourage the griefers, personally. These pathetic little people who wander around shooting stuff and leaving spamming style prims all over the place thrive on the attention they get from it. You know… the ‘Oh look at me. I can’t do anything at all in the world other than leave this crap lying around…so that’s what I will do’ types. Ignoring them, I find, often serves as a wonderful means of getting them to go away. Responding does nothing more than encourage it.

So to the Anti-griefing groups, seriously… stop wasting you’re time. You’re not frontline soldiers. You are not mafia. You are not missionaries. Give up the game. Ignore the griefers and they will go….

Ok, this is the most annoying thing in the entire world! Alright, well maybe not. Afterall famine, illness, war and all that general crappy stuff is undoubtedly much worse. But I was illustrating a point. And now I’m rambling. So anyway, on with my rant.

No fly zones. Why? Why would anyone take away the one thing I love most about my avatar…his ability to fly. One minute I’m floating around, in my mind somewat like Superman… and the next my ear drums are about to burst owing to that horrific sound you get (’dr-dr-dr-dr-dr’) when you try to fly where you can’t.

What does it achieve? For a start, most people are aware by now that you can fly in no fly zones simply by enabling admin options anyway, but that aside, I do not understand what it would achieve. Ok so you might have a deck up in the sky where you keep all your dirty pictures and poseballs. So what? I shouldn’t imagine that there are too many people wandering around Second Life™ not aware of poseballs and pixelated pornography! And anyone could just fly onto your parcel from another one anyway?

I just can’t see what would ever be achieved by taking away avatar flight. It’s like taking away the car in real life. Ok, maybe not that dramatic. But it’s like… well…. it’s like making everyone take a reeeeeally slow bus across the world instead of jumping on a plane. It’s evil. Anyway, here is my middle finger up to non-fly zones.

Arrgh. These irritate me! Ok, I know it doesn’t take much to irritate to me, so perhaps that’s no surprise. But why? They don’t even look good most of the time. Masses of silver textured tiny prims, put together to vaguely resemble a Rolex or something and sitting, lopsided and looking far too big on someone’s wrist. And even more annoying than that are the ones with the floating text telling everyone the time.

Erm… so what on Earth makes it cooler to wear one of these as opposed to looking (for PDT anyway) at the clock within the SL™ client? And if you’re not on PDT, then I would imagine you have a clock on your PC with the time on local to you! Why would anyone walk around with the time in floating text hanging over their virtual wrist? It’s like walking around in real life on a hot sunny day, with a big sign on your head saying ‘Today it’s sunny.’ Nobody needs you to tell them!

You know, I suppose they’d bother me less if most of them weren’t so ugly. But the bulk of watches I have seen have enough bling coming from them to blind everyone within a thirty mile radius. Maybe it’s a special offer… ‘check out the time and get blinded for free’. Tempting.