Pixel Scoop

Today I’m feeling irritated. It seems almost everywhere I have teleported to this morning has greeters that essentially spam you with umpteen landmarks, notecards and random crap you really wouldn’t particularly care to ever own.

Please, please, people… if you use these multiple object giver whatsit greeters, tone it down! Maybe have a sign they can click on if they WANT to take your landmark. Don’t force it on them! I have now got the the stage where I actually tp straight out of any place that does this to me.

Can you imagine walking into a store in real life and the second your foot is over the door there’s a sales assistant flying towards you handing you maps and scraps of paper. “Welcome to our store, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, here have this useless little note…have a map, come back soon. Here take this thing. We don’t know what it is but someone paid us to give it to you. Here look at this, welcome welcome welcome1 We’re not despaerate for your custom… honest.” I’m telling you, if someone did that to me in real life I would have them charged with common assault!

If I teleport in somewhere, I like to have a moment to hang around and decide whether I like it before deciding whether I want a landmark. I don’t care to have notes about every place I teleport to. And worse than that… the greeters and givers that try more than once. Some will only attempt to give you their crap once. Others don’t have this function and everytime you step within a certain distance of the crappy little thing it’s trying to give you notes again! What in God’s name is with this? Not content with spamming you, it also suffers from short term memory loss and forgot that all of ten seconds ago you swore loudly at it and declined its landmarks, notes and miscellaneous rubbish. I equate this to a rather more annoying version of a senile grandmother or elderly relative. The second you walk into their house they’re trying to get you to eat their soggy biscuits. ‘No thanks, I’ve just eaten,’ you politely say. But then ten seconds later, ‘Want a biscuit? Ice cream? Anything?’ Again you politly decline and all of a minute later, ‘Did I offer you something to eat?’ Anyway, I’m rambling… but you get the point (maybe). Yes, I know that muting these greeters is an option. But I don’t feel like I should have to mute objects the second I teleport in places.

Anyway, rant over.

This is new to me. Companies offering to organise the perfect virtual vacation for you (for a fee of course) in game. Now, call me a cynic here, but let’s break this down. We can ALL teleport. Nobody needs a flight anywhere, nobody needs a cruiseliner to get from A to B. Nobody needs to sit cramped up in a pressurised cabin for half a day to reach the most perfect beach in the world. So it’s clear that these people needn’t organise, as real world travel companies would, your transportation to this perfect vacation location.

So what else is there for a travel company to do? Find the perfect spot and a great hotel maybe? Ok. Well beach holidays require a good beach. And let’s face it, there aren’t any shortages of those in game. The place search function is almost like a brochure I guess. Explore. Find a beach. TELEPORT to it. Pool holidays require a pool. Adventure holidays require adventure and exploration. Activity holidays, they need bikes and canoes and all that good stuff, right? But surely all of that can be found, without paying someone, just by teleporting around. Even if you can’t be bothered to search for these places yourself, there are a million (yes, I know I exaggerate) blogs out there with lists of fantastic places to go! And guess what…. they DON’T charge!

Anyway, I just wanted to rant. And now I have done. Amen.

This pixel pregnancy thing doesn’t half confuse me, you know. From my reading around it seems, in essence, that a woman pays “Virtual Pregnancy Clinic” a ridiculous amount of Lindens for her pregnancy (see and I thought getting pregnant was free). They then give her a package, say six weeks (wow is it just me or are pregnancies getting quicker…my Mum gave me a load of bull about me being stuck in there for nine months or something). They provide her with appointments, some shapes to make her look progressively more pregnant as time goes on and some random unborn foetus pictures from google images (which she will then coo over in her picks for all to see). Then comes the prim baby and, well….the less said about that the better.

But, I decided to look further into it to see if there was something I was missing. Of course, upon spotting a pregnancy test on SLX I couldn’t resist. The funny thing is, I wasn’t aware men could get pregnant either, so imagine my surprise when…

Now, this wasn’t the only pregnancy test I could have used. They even have pregnancy tests that let you choose whether you’re pregnant or not…. hmm, imagine all those panicking teenagers in toilet cubicles with their best friends who would have paid anything for a real life version of one of those. Now, doesn’t being able to choose whether you’re pregnant or not sort of defeat the object of a test? Anyway… once I’d got over the hysterics of being told by a little prim test that I was pregnant (what I mean of course is once I had broken the news to my bewildered parents) I looked towards DNA testing to establish the maternity of my unborn child. Unfortunately, and much to my shock, nobody has come up with DNA testing in game yet. And so my pregnancy progressed.

I found myself some foetal pictures that looked vaguely like spaghetti hoops to stick in my profile and finally I gave birth to a two headed prim baby called Bob who weighed seveteen hundred pounds. Well… of course I didn’t… but that really is about how bizarre this whole in game pregnancy thing is.

I don’t get why someone would want to pretend to be pregnant in game and wear those daft attachments that shout out to everyone along the lines of ‘My imaginary baby is moving inside. I’m pregnant everyone. LOOK AT ME!! LOOK AT ME!!’ It’s all a bit, well….. desperate. Can you imagine if in real life, as soon as you had your first scan, they attached a huge speaker to your ass that screamed out to the world the development of your pregnancy. “Hey world, today I threw up like fifteen times and now I’m craving charcoal with tomato ketchup?” Why pay some clinic to play ‘let’s pretend to be Mummies and Daddies’ with you? I just do not see an appeal. I thought people stopped playing let’s pretend games once they reached like eight? Hmm, maybe that’s just sane people.

I’m sure many of you will know that pretty awesome Greedy Greedy game in game, created by Karsten Rutledge. I’m familiar with it. In fact, I’m kind of addicted to it, which is really unfortunate as my table seems to have a sever preference for my partner over myself. This leads to all kinds of tantrums on my part and I therefore thought I would share with you a notecard I wrote to the creator earlier on this evening (following another ass kicking by Jenee):

“Regarding your Greedy Greedy table, I would just like to inform you of damages for which I hold you personally liable.

Owing to absolute frustration, I tore my hair out, scratched my scalp and gauged out my eyes with a teaspoon. Both eyes. In addition, I hit my head against a wall repeatedly. This caused severe concussion and the loss of four of my only five brain cells. Following this act of self-mutilation, my neighbours and close friends sectioned me in an institution, in which I remained for many weeks before I was able to prove my sanity once more.

This was because I was playing YOUR game with my girlfriend. I was stuck on 0 while she whizzed her way up to 10000 with such fortune as to roll four fours on two consecutive turns, while I rolled one five, rolled again and was greeted with that pissy whirring noise it makes when you lose all your points, as if the table is saying to you “Hahaha, asshole. You’re gonna be stuck on zero for all eternity, doomed to rot in a Hell of zero points.” Her luck manifested itself in such a way that she was able to scoop 6000 points in one turn, while (you guessed it) I was STILL on zero.

As such, I advise you of your liabilities to me:-

2 x eyes, gauged out in frustration
1 x course of miracle growth for the hair I tore out
1 x tube of cream for the scratches on my head
4 x brain cells which really weren’t worth that much so I wouldn’t worry
1 x a long stay in a home for the mental

Yours faithfully,

Josue Habana”

Let’s hope the aforementioned creator has a sense of humour

I’ve read several forum posts of late which begin with a terribly sad story and then go on to ask for your Lindens (to help the cause, of course). Then today I was handed a notecard while out shopping which told me about the terrible plight of a single Mother in Colorado whose house burnt down. Her youngest child was killed in the fire, apparently and her elder child is severely ill in hospital. She needed my Lindens (and those of every other person she handed this out to) to help.

Now, call me a cynic (and I am sure I will go to Hell if I am wrong about this) but seriously, why would anyone believe it? It’s a terribly sad scenario if it is true (something I indeed doubt) but even if so, why is she not at the bedside of her child? How did she manage to get back online from home (she did tell me in detail about looking around the room around her at blackened walls) if the house is unliveable?

Perhaps it’s just me, but these begging efforts appear to be becoming more frequent. Do people think that because Lindens aren’t a world currency, we’ll be more likely to just hand them over? Is it because of the convenience of transferring money between people in game that this happens so much?

Whichever way, it is incredibly annoying. First up, if you have a terrible real life scenario, then go deal with it! Turn your computer off and get it fixed. You’ll fix nothing while staring at your pixels! This really makes people feel wary of genuine charity fundraising efforts in game. And the setup in game really is ideal for people to raise money for registered and genuine charities, so it would be a real shame if people became more reluctant to help charity causes because of a few greedy beggars.

Anyway, rant over.

Floating around various stores (as I tend to do when I decide I have nothing better to do with my time and I’d like to spend Lindens on things I will probably never use again) I have noticed something happening more and more! So many clothing and skin stores are now putting out fitting rooms/changing rooms! I really fail to see a purpose in this other than to eat up a prim allowance for no reason whatsoever.

I just don’t understand their purpose. Firstly, if people can cam through your house walls to see you getting jiggy on those recent Bits n Bobs purchases, camming through a ‘curtain’ won’t be an issue! In fact, such is the nature of the game that, with such small spaces as fitting rooms, people’s cameras probably automatically catch a glimpse of you squeezing into those pixel pants in a changing room just as they’re turning around! Secondly, what are you hiding? I mean, really? Is it that you don’t want people to recognise your skin seams as freebie? Maybe you don’t want people to see that, by default, your avie has no genitals. Well let me let you into a little secret. You’re definitely not the only person who is genital-less by default! Don’t worry. We won’t all point and laugh at you. And even if you just don’t like having your avie naked in front of people (which some don’t) then…. why would you get changed in a store at all??

Personally, when I change, I put on one item in place of another and I never have to show my pixel torso at all…and I certainly wouldn’t use a changing room for any purpose in game.

At first I thought maybe decorative, not intended for use. Maybe everyone would see that. But no, people actually use them! It baffles me. Perhaps there should be a notecard giver handing out notecards to anyone who enters these changing rooms. It could say,

“Welcome to SuchandSuchaStore. Please note that these changing rooms will not prevent people from seeing you getting changed. Please also note that nobody actually gives a sh*t about your pixel tattoos, virtual body, freebie skin, demo clothing and so on and so forth.” Then if the aforementioned avatar does not vacate, they should be sent flying 1500m in the air for a lesson in ‘OMG WHY?’ studies. In my humble opinion, of course.

Well, I’ve talked before about heigh in Second Life™ and the fact that unless you are disproportionately tall (in real life standards) then you will look like a dwarf in SL™.

Well it seems a certain club (that I will not name, being as diplomatic as I am) has decided to actively encourage such tall avies! Speaking to a friend last night I was made aware that a club is ejecting avatars on arrival based on their height! This is, apparently, a means of preventing child avatars entering the club. However, my non child avatar friend also found herself ejected repeatedly because she falls under the minimum height requirement. Fortunately, SL being SL, she was able simply to adjust her height and make it in!
Now, is it just me or is that all a little, well…. ‘heightist’? The assumption here is evidently that if your avatar is not tall, you must therefore be roleplaying a child!! Now there’s an assumption and a half.

Can you imagine turning up at a club in real life and having some bouncer tell you that you’re not old enough to come in because you’re not quite 6 feet tall? Nope, he doesn’t want to see your ID! If you’re not six feet, you’re not getting in! It’s ludicrous!

I really do believe that everyone has the right to turn whoever they want away from their location in game. If someone does not want child avatars on their parcel/in their store/in their club then fine! But surely you can’t just eject anyone under a certain heigh assuming that they must be playing child avatars. Perhaps I should start setting access on my land to eject anyone over the equivalent of 6 feet 5 inches with a message, “Your avatar is too tall. You therefore must be roleplaying as an elderly man. Elderly men are not welcome here. goodbye.”

Hmm… now there’s an idea!

Ok, so this is very much off topic. But I thought I would share anyway. Enjoy the wonder of intoxication according to moi!

Intoxication has several stages between completely sober and waking up at 6am in a field, naked, with 6 cows, four sheep and a chicken and questioning the purpose of the, ahem, used condom to the side of you. NOTE:- I do NOT speak from personal experience. So here are those stages defined.

•    COMPLETE SOBRIETY: The world is as it is first thing on a Monday morning. There is crap to do, but it’s necessary and so be it. And there are the good things you get to do… but let’s get the work related crap out of the way first. All in all, sobriety is balance, a very sensible outlook on the world.
•    PRE-TIPSINESS: This occurs usually after the first two drinks (less if you’re a lightweight, more if you are a seasoned alcoholic). The world is still relatively normal, though those minor things that might once have made you chuckle to yourself for a second or so, now make you laugh out loud for at least ten seconds.
•    TIPSINESS: 3 – 4 drinks. Balance becomes moderately less important. The work related crap can wait until tomorrow. Let’s party.
•    THE BUZZ: Not only is everything that was once moderately funny, now hilarious. But everything that wasn’t even remotely amusing is now pretty funny as well. Whoops… did you just trip over? Perhaps straight lines are not quite 100% straight anymore.
•    THE SUPER-BUZZ: These non amusing things are now laugh-out-loud-for-minutes-on-end-without-breathing funny. Those around you who are also buzzed think you are hilarious. The non drinkers think you are an ass.
•    THE PRELIMINARY DRUNK STAGE:  Straight lines are becoming slowly incomprehensible. What should be a five metre walk to the bathroom becomes ten metres owing to your swaying. Laughter has been replaced by serious conversation. YOU and you alone have the answer to the world’s economic crisis. The answer….. CHEESE! And you must tell everyone!
•    THE DRUNK STAGE: You ARE drunk. There is no getting around it, you are drunk. In your mind you are now President of Earth. You have the answers to all of the political, religious, economic, philosophical and social problems in the world and you WILL tell EVERYONE.
•    SHITFACED: You have consumed twenty percent of your bodyweight in alcohol. Not only are are you clearly and visibly completely rat-arsed, but you feel the need to tell everyone you come into contact with that you are indeed wasted. Seventeen times. At least. More if they happen to pass you more than once. You still have all the answers to the world’s problems. Only now you are so completely wasted that you are incapable of controlling the muscles around your mouth for long enough to explain.
•    FOOOOOKED: The toilet it no longer a viable option for removing bodily waste. The 5 metre walk is now completely impossible to carry out unaided and owing to the puke down your shirt, nobody sober enough is prepared to assist you. Anyone not sober enough is simply too drunk to help. You must therefore piss/shit/spew all over yourself. This is dignity in its highest form. Rolling around scantily clad in ditches/fields/other surfaces is possible. You have accepted that tonight you may not make it home and have negotiated some comfortable sleeping arrangements with the local sheep. It is best never to speak of these arrangements ever again. With anyone.