Following 14 months of comprehensive scientific research into the little understood species of the Second Life™ Griefer, I am able to share with you a summary of my findings.

The Griefer, (Latin name, ‘Arrogantus Assholeus’) is, surprisingly, NOT born a Griefer. The Griefer actually starts out just an irrelevant and pathetic little individual with the maturity of a dishcloth and personality to match, before a combination of metamorphosis and some freebie multiplying Mario cubes cause a development over around three days into the species we know as the Griefer. Allow me to explain this further with a mathematical diagram illustrating the basic equation we feel best summarises this advanced metamorphosis.

As you can see, the combination of freely made griefer made tools and gangster bling serve only as a catalyst in the transformation of the average ‘noob’ into an Arrogantus Assholeus.

Following this incredible discovery about the evolution of the species, we delved further into the research of its habits.

Hunting and Feeding

The Greifer is a predator, or sorts, with scavenger like tendencies on occasion. It picks on innocent prey, usually lurking around sandboxes. It teleports from location to location and remains in one place only for long enough to rezz its stupid scripted prim. Once it has struck, it does not hang around for consequences, choosing instead to cowardly disappear with a bizarre sense of satisfaction at what most would consider pathetic. This creature, however, considers its rezzing a prim as a major success. This is because the Griefer is a pitiful creature with very little purpose in life.

Mating

Griefers find it difficult to attract mates of any reasonable calibre. They will often spend their lives alone, unless they meet someone misguided enough to find them charming. When the griefer does find someone this stupid, his mating ritual begins. He attaches more bling to every single attachment point on his avatar and starts firing bullets. At this point he will also occasionally type things such as ‘Sup, yo,’ or ‘Yo, bitch, ride dis.’ These less than eloquent mating calls are a way of sifting through potential mates. Only the ones who really are completely actually THAT stupid will stick around. And it really does take such a low calibre of mate to partner the Arrogantus Assholeus.

Habitat

The Griefer lives something of a nomadic life, not wishing to pay tier and only ever in game a matter of weeks before banned anyway, he floats from sandbox, to club, to store, to sandbox again. He will rest almost anywhere. His standards are low. Sort of like his morals.

Social Interaction

Being of a less intelligent genetic make up, the Griefer is limited in his social skills. Furthermore, so dislikeable is he that nobody from outside his own species ever chooses to interact with him. He is unable to communicate very well, restricted substantially by his own stupidity. He can occasionally be found shouting cuss words at nobody for apparently no reason. He’s special like that.

And there you have the findings of my study in the Arrogantus Assholeus.

Look out for findings into other common Second Life species.

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