I personally love Second Life™ voice. Afterall, it saves me so much typing that I genuinely believe my chances of ever getting repetive action induced arthritis in my fingers are substantially reduced. Well. Maybe. Anyway, that isn’t the point. I love voice because it enables you to relate to people on a more personal and genuine level. Ok, so cue all the anti-voicers complaining that it excludes the deaf or that it’s unreliable and so on. Myself, I find SL voice to be just as reliable as Skype or any other VOIP service. And while I can appreciate that the deaf may feel excluded by voice in world, anyone with an ounce of consideration, myself included, would type for the benefit of those in that situation.

But anyway, I’m not writing to debate the pros and cons of voice in virtual worlds. I love it. You won’t change my mind. What I don’t like, however, are those who are incapable of using their microphones. It is not rocket science, is it? Switch on, don’t swallow it, mute when belching. It’s simple…. you would think.

In particular this is a problem at voice events, such as stand up comedy, spoken word and poetry events or staged plays. So here we have it, the biggest mic faux-pas!

1. The Love Poem… Interrupted

Shall I compare thee to a…… giant belch? It doesn’t matter how talented you are. It doesn’t matter how beautiful your imagery is. It really is irrelevant just how much emotion you packed into that poetic masterpiece of yours. When you belch it, it’s hideous. And this doesn’t just apply to readers of poetry. It applies to everyone. Belching down the microphone deliberately? Really? For the ‘isn’t it funny when I belch?’ types, I suggest www.virtualkindergarten.com/stopbeingsofrikkinsick. Yes, farting down the mic is disgusting too. Really… grow up. Get some decorum.

2. The One That Nobody Heard

Leaving your microphone on the next continent means that nobody can hear you, no matter how high they turn up their volume. JUST PUT THE MIC CLOSER TO YOUR BLOODY MOUTH!

3. Whoah, Not THAT Close!

You might have the best microphone in the world, but my guess is that it doesn’t taste so great. And I’m thinking nobody else particularly wants to hear you attempt to swallow it. And here’s a hint, you probably don’t need to scream down the microphone. We have headsets too. You don’t need to rely on the wind to carry your message across the Atlantic.

4. Not Suitable For Everyone

Some things really ought to be kept to a private voice call. Some seem to fail to realise that everyone around you on the spatial voice channel can hear you. And certain more intimate moments really should not be shared. There is no need to tell the entire of the store you are in what you want her to do with her nipples. By the same token she really needn’t tell half of that PG welcome area where she wants you to put your tongue. PRIVATE CALL, PEOPLE!

5. Ouch!

Static hurts. It’s that simple. If your mic is broken, if it crackles, if it screams, if it whirrs… if people constantly tell you your micrphone hurts their ears, don’t use it. Give your work to someone else to read and please just type. It’s the Second Life equivalent to standing next to someone and repeatedly hitting them across the face with a heavy, blunt object.

6. The Time To Mute

If someone else is reading or performing, why is there always one person who insists upon having their mic on hands free in order that, as well as the performed, we can hear said audience member’s children, dogs, husband, breathing and typing. Find the mute button. Please.

7. The Voice DJs

Want to DJ? GREAT! Get a STREAM like the rest of the pixel population. You don’t have to walk around the entire grid with your mic on hands free belting out dodgy tracks over your speakers. In fact, it would be a lot better if you didn’t.

A quick search indicates a lack of ‘Microphone Etiquette’ classes in world. Someone should fix that.

And don’t forget the golden rule…never trust yourself on hands free when drunk

Tags: headsets, microphones, second life voice, sl voice, spoken word, virtual worlds, voip
Categories: Random Thoughts and Musings

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 2nd, 2009 at 9:14 pm and is filed under Random Thoughts and Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.