Yes, you read the title right.

Violence really is a terrible problem for the thrifty. The cost of weapons in Second Life is leaving those who just want to be frugally vicious in something of a pickle. Does Mr. Thrifty-Blood-Thirsty satisfy his need for gore or his bank balance?

Fear not people. I have searched the metaverse high and low and I have found ten ways to commit horrific acts of violence in Second Life that will not cost anything (ok, some of them are L$1 but whatever). Oh and I enlisted the help of two semi naked women in a wrestling ring to help me showcase them. So not only am I giving you action packed violence, I am providing semi naked women as well. How much do you love me right now?

Let me introduce my super sexy, lean, mean (half-naked) fighting machines.

In the blue corner……

She’s tough, she’s hot, she’s unbeaten in the pixel kick boxing tournament that I just made up….. it’s [insert cool boxing introducing person voice] BUBBLES KOMACHI!!

In the red corner….

She’s sexy, she’s cool, she’s the current virtual world naked mud wrestling champion… it’s [insert cool boxing introducing person voice] SKYLAR SMYTHE!!

I can wait here a moment, guys, if you need a few seconds to perve their pixels some more.

And now for the weapons. Got a boyfriend you need to assassinate but running short of Lindens? Pixel gangsta blinding you with his bling? Why should have to spend your hard earned Lindens on violence? We, at Pixel Scoop believe that virtual worlds violence should be free to all. So here’s to freebie weapons and the best ones we found!

1. Poking Stick

It’s a stick. You wear it. You click people. You poke people. It makes a cool poking animations and an even cooler poking sound. This is created by Altometric Backer. We tried the poking stick out on our scantily clad toughies….

2. Anvil Dropper

Created by Lex Neva, this anvil dropper allows someone to drop anvils on someone else’s head. In this case, Bubbles became the victim of Skylar’s anvils!!

3. Couch Bazooka

I’ve blogged on the couch bazooka before. Following that blog post, Livio Habercom (creator) sent me a copy and trans Pixel Scoop branded version. Woot! You can IM me for a copy, by the way. The couch bazooka is a bazooka that shoots couches. Imagine that! But seriously, this is a like a riot in Ikea on cocaine!!!!! Awesome, awesome weapon.

4. Sperm Popgun

The creator of this is somewhat anonymous, it seems. It’s a modification of Eric Linden’s original popgun, offering both violence and potential pixel pregnancy in one sperm shaped bullet. Oh, only in Second Life…..

5.  Chicken Gun

The chicken gun is created by Maezy Magic and advertises itself as shooting eggs at people. In light of the chicken fetish plaguing Second Life at the moment, I thought this might be a light hearted means of violence. However, I did not anticipate just how much damage a pixel egg could do…

6. Pipe Thrower

Take a giant pipe, an arm stretch animation, a decent throw animation and turn object physics on. What do you get? Rather violent semi naked virtual ultimate fighting. This is cool – very much so. It’s a pipe, you throw it at people or even put people in it and throw them too. Simple? Perhaps. Funny? You bet! This one’s created by Aina Yoshikawa.

7. Broken Beer Bottle

Is any night out complete without a good broken bottle fight at the end of it? We sent our two sexy little wrestling champs out to get drunk and then we stuck them back in the wrestling ring (still in their undies) and watched to see what would happen. Call it a social experiment, if you will.

8. Hand Gun

“Wait a minute, Josue,” I hear you cry in unison, “Shouldn’t ‘hand gun’ be all one word?” Well boys and girls, sit tight. There’s an exception to every rule. It’s not a handgun, it really is a hand gun. And it shoots fingernail clippings. Grossly wonderful. This comes straight from the imagination of creator Minda Magic.

9. Smashable Guitar

Emo and musician in the same sentence? Never! But for those days when being a musical genius gets all too much, at least you can take it out on your drummer now by cracking him or her around the head with your guitar. This one was created by ShortPieceOf String.

10. Snow Turret Hat

Nothing says “Merry Christmas,” like pelting everyone in your virtual vicinity with Second Life snowballs. Wear this super cool and uber festive hat and that’s exactly what will happen. Created by QD Muggins

Now, I did think about showing you a picture of this hat in action, but I thought instead that I should talk to the ladies and get them to make friends after all that wrestling. So I umm, undressed a little and got them to sit with me and talk it out. It’s a hard job, this blogging malarchy….. but someone has to do it

So there you have it. Ten spot on Second Life freebies that make violence affordable for all. Who says you can’t have fun during a recession?

A note on the freebies

I have not included XStreetSL urls here because, following the recent fucktarded decision by Linden Lab to try and rip off freebie sellers, a lot of people are taking them down.There’s therefore no guarantee that links would be active for long. What I suggest, then, if you want to get your hands on any of these, is to look up the creators on XStreet or in world. There are some of these that I do have copy and trans and if you drop me an IM in world (Josue Habana) or an email to josue [at] pixelscoop [dot] net with your avie name, I will pass the ones I have. I have the couch bazooka, the santa hat snowball launcher, poking stick and sperm popgun!

Yes, I know I’m generous.

Side note: anyone considering IMing me about how inappropriate it is to make a joke about violence, save your breath and my time. No, I don’t condone hitting people with guitars in real life – real life guitars are waaaaay too expensive. Yes, I have a warped sense of humour.

Categories: Features

This entry was posted on Monday, November 30th, 2009 at 9:20 pm and is filed under Features. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.