Dear Linden Lab,

Please consider this a last ditch desperate plea to persuade you to install a much needed feature into the main viewer. For some time now, the Emerald Viewer has enabled bouncing boobs. This is arguably one of the most amazing things that ever happened in my Second Life. Yes, I know, I am a pathetic little man and I ought to be shot. But whatever. Anyway, back to my point. The Emerald Viewer is wonderful. It really is. But all its enhanced features mean that I always incur lag when running it, despite never having lag issues when running the main viewer. So, you see, I have a dilemma. I either run Emerald and enjoy pert pixel breasts bouncing in all their glory (the lag sometimes adds to the effect with some super slow motion, Bay Watch intro-styleee wiggling) but have something of a nightmare when it comes to walking around… or I go without the boobs and I walk around with no problems.

It’s a tough dilemma. It’s like asking me whether I would rather have ten million pounds or guaranteed eternal happiness. It’s like asking me whether I would rather be Spiderman or Batman. It’s like asking me whether I would like to be able to fly or to be invisible. It’s like asking whether I would rather have a really damn good bowl of pasta and red pesto or a beef joint. THESE ARE ALL IMPOSSIBLE DECISIONS TO MAKE!!!

I therefore beg you to please install the bouncing boobies feature onto the main viewer. Now that we all know it is possible, your excuses are running out. I actually think that your failure to have already installed it is a breach of my human rights. Under international human rights law, I have the right to (and I quote) ‘freedom from torture, inhuman and degrading treatment.’ Anyone who were to sit here and watch me ponder, prior to logging in, whether I want a lag-free Second Life session or bouncing boobs, would see that the level of difficulty involved in making such a disgustingly impossible decision is nothing less than torture. If Linden Lab were a nation, it would never make it into the United Nations with such a disgusting lack of respect for its people.

I therefore plead with you – no, fuck that, I have no dignity now anyway – I BEG you, to please, please, please, please please, please add bouncing boobies to the main viewer. I’ll even do a naked happy dance if you do.

I would appreciate this request being given urgent attention and any response would be gratefully received – so long as it’s the response I want.

Thank you for your time,

Regards,

Josue Habana

Tags: bouncing boobies emerald viewer, bouncing boobs, open letter to linden, second life viewer
Categories: Letters

This entry was posted on Monday, December 28th, 2009 at 8:25 pm and is filed under Letters. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.