I’ve long said that I believe someone who is married in RL is carrying out infidelity if he or she carries out a relationship or any sort of sexual encounter in Second Life. Whether you are actually physically touching somebody or not, the fact that you’re getting intimate with someone else, are allowing yourself to become aroused by someone else, that to me is infidelity.

I have a girlfriend in RL and I wouldn’t ever consider anything in SL while that was the case. She would consider it cheating and I would too. I’m partnered in SL to one of my best friends and amc lear on my profile that anything I have with anyone in world is PLATONIC.

I got into a debate about this last night with a friend of mine from SL. He knows I am writing this post and has asked only that I withold his name. He is married in RL, partnered in Sl and thinks this is ok. I argued my case last night and he argued his and, as I told him, some of the ways he justifies, or attempts to, what he is doing, are laughable. It’s not the first time I’ve heard such justifications though. His attempts at justifyig included:-

1. “My wife doesn’t know.” Umm, ok. So not only are you cheating on her, you’re lying too then. If you were to have sex in RL with a colleague but your wife didn’t know, would that be ok?

2. “I don’t physically touch my SL partner.” No, granted, but you cyber with her and connect on a sexual level in that way. You fantasise about the things that you would like to do to her and you’re aroused by her telling you the things she would like to do to you, were she to ever get her hands on you. That, to me, is a form of cheating.

3. “Fantasising is harmless.” Yes, it is. When you sit alone and you fantasise about someone you’ve never met or will never meet, like celebs or whatever. But when you are actually openly discussing your fantasies with the object of them, there’s more than just you involved. You are involving someone else in what shuld be your own personal fantasies and if that person isn’t your spouse, then you’re cheating, surely?

4. “It doesn’t affect my relationship with my wife.” How does it not? When you dedicate ten or more hours a week to being in Second Life to carry out an illicit virtual relationship, are those not ten hours a week you could be spending with your wife?

5. “My wife is in bed when I am online.” Which begs the question, why aren’t you in bed with her?

6. “It’s only SL.” Do you ever think about your pixel partner when you’ve turned the computer off? Even if she just crosses your mind for a brief second, then no, it’s not just “online.” Humans cannot possibly separate “online” and “offline,” 100%. I don’t believe that’s possible at all.

7. “Online things don’t count.” Ok, so if your wife took her colleague’s Skype address, went home and got on Skype to cyber with him one night, would that be acceptable? No? Thought not.

The guy is actually a great bloke. Honestly. But he and I clash on opinions here. The attempts, for me, at justifying having a SL and a RL partner, just don’t work. We’re not programmed to live two completely sepearate lives. In fact, some people would think those who try have some sort of personality disorder. We live one life. SL, for those of who spend time there, is just a part of that real life. So surely, the same morals and ethics should apply?

Categories: Second Life

This entry was posted on Monday, September 6th, 2010 at 9:42 am and is filed under Second Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.