Second Life Blogs | Pixel Scoop | Virtual Worlds News

I read an article a short while ago by Karen Myers. The article was titled, “Before starting a Second Life, work harder on the first one.” You can read it by clicking here. The gist of it, however, is that Second Life users are all living permanently in a fantasy world, made up largely of vampires and prostitutes who are probably overweight in real life and choose thin avatars in world as a means of escaping it. It’s worth a read for the entertainment of seeing how entirely ludicrous it is. Here is my own personal response to Karen Myers.

Dear Ms Myers,

Having just read what can only be described as an entirely unbalanced and somewhat uneducated article on the topic of Second Life and its users, allow me to personally extend a hand of invitation to you to visit Second Life again (assuming you have already logged in previously – questionable). It seems that you have a completely misguided idea of what the typical Second Life user is like  and what he or she does in the virtual world. Allow me to refer to your article;

“Sweeping the ground for potential victims, you swoop out of the dark sky and sink your teeth into a saucy cowboy, replete with chaps and spikes, on his way to a bull-riding event. But, maybe vampirism isn’t your thing. Perhaps prostitution is more your speed. Maybe the idea of selling your body always excited you, but it was a secret that could not be revealed in your real life.”

I can honestly say that I have never been a Second Life vampire, nor have I ‘sold my body’ or been to a bull riding event while dressed as a pixel cowboy. I would therefore like to invite you to return to Second Life for the opportunity to really explore and gain a more indepth idea of what the platform is all about.

In further reference to your piece (that really does increase in ignorance with every sentence) allow me to quote you once more:

“Living life in a fantasy world is equivalent to George W. Bush’s presidency – a bunch of noise and flash but no result.
Although “Second Life” may have some practical uses – it’s now being used for distance learning and job training purposes – most of it is a waste of time, distracting people from the real world to indulge in purchasing virtual sex toys and designer clothes. Time wasted in a virtual world could be spent strengthening real relationships with real people or trying to get ahead in the real world.”

For the record, I am perfectly ‘ahead’ in the real world. I run my own business, I run my house and as a single Father, I take care of my child all perfectly well. I have fully functional relationships with friends and family. And yes, they are real people. Like with skin and a pulse and everything. I would also like to add that I make a second income in writing. Perhaps I could offer you some advice in structuring an article that is balanced, has a point, is factual and manages to evade the pitfalls of coming across nothing more than arrogant and above itself. It seems your ‘journalism’ skills are missing a key element – RESEARCH.

However, despite the fact that 90% of your post can be described only as ‘bullshit,’ you make two points I do agree with. Firstly, your statement that, “…the people behind the avatars are real.” Secondly, “As a real human, you need to feel the wind in your face. You need to get off the computer and go outside.”

Yes, us Second Life users are all real people. Believe it or not, we do have real bodies. And most of us DO go outside. Do you really imagine that the moment you sign up for Second Life you become some morbidly obese hermit dwelling in a dark room in front of your computer for 20 hours a day? Because 16 million hermits is a whole lot… and guess what, the stereotypes do not apply across the whole of Second Life’s user base.

Your article complains of people who are married in real life conducting affairs in Second Life. I AGREE WITH YOU. It is cheating in every single way, in my opinion. But we don’t all do it, you know. I think, perhaps, that you have spent too much time watching poorly produced and misinformed documentaries and tabloid newspapers featuring the extreme cases of Second Life users gone wrong. You do realise that reading that trash can hardly be defined as busying yourself ‘getting ahead in life,’ which is what I was sure you would be doing, given the tone of your article.

Your implication that the grid is all about sex and roleplay is very unfortunate. You obviously did not take the time to visit the groups of writers, the communities of artists, to attend an open microphone poetry reading, stop off and watch some Second Life theatre in action, catch a live comedian, visit the amazingly well built and textured buildings or attend a live music gig. You must have been too busy getting ahead in life.

So allow me to reiterate: I cordially invite you to return to Second Life to see that side of it. Perhaps you should speak to some of the people for whom Second Life has been a lifeline, those who have been published off the back of building up confidence in writing in here, those who have built up enough of a business in world to work for themselves full time, those who have reached out to charity groups in Second Life for the help that they were desperate but unable to obtain in real life.

I don’t know what’s more unfortunate… the fact that you are so misguided about the platform in the age of the digital revolution or the fact that you invested any of your valuable time writing (albeit a terribly poor article) about something you claim to have such a distaste for.

Your closing sentence, “Or maybe I’m just concerned that my second life would be as lame as my first,” is perhaps the most telling of anything you wrote there.

Deciding that you personally do not like virtual worlds is one thing. But to write off the entire userbase of Second Life based on a poorly researched idea you have is actually offensive. How concerning for your own potential to ‘get ahead in life,’ that you are so narrow minded.

The invitation stands.

Josue Habana

Dear Linden Lab,

Please consider this a last ditch desperate plea to persuade you to install a much needed feature into the main viewer. For some time now, the Emerald Viewer has enabled bouncing boobs. This is arguably one of the most amazing things that ever happened in my Second Life. Yes, I know, I am a pathetic little man and I ought to be shot. But whatever. Anyway, back to my point. The Emerald Viewer is wonderful. It really is. But all its enhanced features mean that I always incur lag when running it, despite never having lag issues when running the main viewer. So, you see, I have a dilemma. I either run Emerald and enjoy pert pixel breasts bouncing in all their glory (the lag sometimes adds to the effect with some super slow motion, Bay Watch intro-styleee wiggling) but have something of a nightmare when it comes to walking around… or I go without the boobs and I walk around with no problems.

It’s a tough dilemma. It’s like asking me whether I would rather have ten million pounds or guaranteed eternal happiness. It’s like asking me whether I would rather be Spiderman or Batman. It’s like asking me whether I would like to be able to fly or to be invisible. It’s like asking whether I would rather have a really damn good bowl of pasta and red pesto or a beef joint. THESE ARE ALL IMPOSSIBLE DECISIONS TO MAKE!!!

I therefore beg you to please install the bouncing boobies feature onto the main viewer. Now that we all know it is possible, your excuses are running out. I actually think that your failure to have already installed it is a breach of my human rights. Under international human rights law, I have the right to (and I quote) ‘freedom from torture, inhuman and degrading treatment.’ Anyone who were to sit here and watch me ponder, prior to logging in, whether I want a lag-free Second Life session or bouncing boobs, would see that the level of difficulty involved in making such a disgustingly impossible decision is nothing less than torture. If Linden Lab were a nation, it would never make it into the United Nations with such a disgusting lack of respect for its people.

I therefore plead with you – no, fuck that, I have no dignity now anyway – I BEG you, to please, please, please, please please, please add bouncing boobies to the main viewer. I’ll even do a naked happy dance if you do.

I would appreciate this request being given urgent attention and any response would be gratefully received – so long as it’s the response I want.

Thank you for your time,

Regards,

Josue Habana

Do you (yes, I’m talking to you real life avatar controllers or, to use a certain Lauren Weyland’s phrase, ‘handlers’) ever set your avatars down on a set of poseballs and wander off into a voice chat or IM and forget all about them? You’re so caught up communicating with your partner’s handler that you forget about your pixels. And your partner’s pixels? Well, ladies and gentlemen, our avatars have had enough, as the following letter explains.

Dear Handler,

I write on behalf of all avatars concerning a very grave issue. It’s rather sensitive and, some might argue, difficult to bring up. Perhaps that is why, since voice came into Second Life™ (at which point the issue worsened dramatically) the issue has yet to be publicly brought to your attention.

I don’t know how to put this eloquently or elegantly for that matter and so I shall save of us all the embarrassment of trying by simply being blunt. You know when you get a bit frisky with your partner? Yes, you do. Stop denying it. And you and your partner both lay your pixels down on some poseballs somewhere and then wander off and get caught up in one another’s voices or dirty IMs? Yes, you still following me? And then you come back an hour, sometimes 2 hours later feeling somewhat gratified and rather smug and you force us to jump up and then dress us like bloody ragdolls? Right? You know what I mean, don’t you? WELL IT HAS TO STOP!

Stop being such selfish bastards. Seriously. What kind of inhumane person leaves somebody cycling in a bloody dismal animation for an hour and a half while they go off and gratify themselves? Really, it’s thoughtless. The first five minutes are ok. The first ten minutes are usually tolerable. But when, after twenty minutes, the position has not changed and nobody has touched my tinker (Xcite! tells me when you’re touching, you know) I know you are not watching. And yes, you partner’s pixels know that they’re not being watched either. And so we must remain, on your bloody demand, cycled in this stupid animation with no audience until you damn well feel like coming in and picking us up. There are four major issues with this. Allow me to clarify.

1. Many animations in which you leave us (particularly newer handlers) are all badly positioned and rather dismal. As such, the situation is made even more dire. There is absolutely no redeeming element of a situation in which a female avatar is forced to lie splayed out across a mattress while a male avatar repeatedly thrusts his whatsit into her hip.It is not entertaining. Not one iota.

2. The effect on our expensive genitals is terrible. I tell you something, it’s a good job you can buy skins for Xcite! parts because, with all the repeat into-hip friction thrusting, they need reskinning rather regularly. And I will have you know that is NOT a pleasant procedure to undergo.

3. The facial animations are embarrassing. Like really embarrassing. Male avatar looks like he is about to engage upon a mass killing spree on a bot farm with some form of unholy bazooka and the female avatar looks absolutely terrified and also somewhat confused at the same time, oh and a little bit like she just died as well. Facial animations on any level are NOT good. They ruin our pixel moment.

4. When you eventually do come back (gratified and happy and oozing disgusting afterglow germs) you insist upon absolutely humiliating us poor pixels by TAKING BLOODY SNAPSHOTS! If you had been stuck with your mouth so wide open that your jaw was numb and repeatedly bashing your thingie into some bony hip for an hour and a half, if your tackle consequently felt like it was on fire and possibly even suffering some serious long term nerve ending damage and you were dripping in pixel sweat (oh no wait, that you’re stupid bloody BODY OIL), what would you do? Would you ask someone to take a photograph so that you can look back and happily remember the memory of feeling so completely exhausted, unfomfortable and in pain and smile sweetly about it? PROBABLY NOT. SO STOP BEING SO BLOODY INSENSITIVE!

I'm really sorry about this, love. They'll be back soon I'm sure. Do you have the time on you? Maybe I can sing you a song? Please, I will do anything if you will stop making that face!"

And aside from the intense feelings of discomfort and humiliation, even if the position is a good one and the facial animations are switched off, it’s kind of boring being stuck in a position that is going to go nowhere. Like literally nowhere. You start out with good intentions. Kisses. Cuddles. Maybe moving on to a little touching. But by the time we get into the x rated stuff you are gone. It’s too late. You’re lost in handler happiness. As such, we sit there in the first animation knowing you’re not watching, this pose isn’t going to go anywhere and eventually the friction kicks in. No amount of tacky newbie style frikkin body oil stops friction after an hour and a half of bump bump bump. Believe me.

And when you do come back, you take your frikkin momento pictures, get up and get dressed. And do you even reward us for our pet like patience? Do you bollocks. WE, the patient pixels, do we get any sexual gratification? No. And really, come on, how hard is it to click a dick a few times? You’re just selfish. All of you. Completely selfish. I thought my handler was different, you know. I thought he cared about my sexual gratification. Thought that I mattered to him. But you know what, all he wants is to do is take take take. He sees to his own satisfaction and then leaves me in limbo. He’s just the same as all the rest.

Anyway, I don’t want to make this about me personally. I don’t want it to turn into a therapy rant into which I outlay all the sexual problems I have now. So I will end it here.

But on behalf of avatars everywhere, I beg you to please stop putting us through this. If you want us to perform sexual shows for you, at least have the decency to treat us humanely.

Regards,

Avatar.

The "omg I think I'm upset but not I'm not I'm angry or maybe I'm just confused or perhaps even a little bit stupid omg I can't make up my mind just how I feel," look - not a good sex look.

Dear Linden Lab,
I thought you loved me. At least that’s how it seems when you’re trying to get me to part with my Premium Fee every 3 months. But now… well…. I feel so stupid. I feel used. It hurts, I’m not denying that.

Don’t look at me like that. You know what I’m talking about. Four times in the last couple of weeks you’ve told me I can’t login cos there are too many others in. You’d rather have seventy bald newbie bots over a stolen skin store than me. You’d rather have fifteen griefer alts with no payment info on file than me. You would rather have…I can hardly bring myself to say it…. GANGSTAS…. than me.

It’s been a year and a half and in that time I’ve watched your users online figure grow and grow. I’ve put up with your questionable decisions and been happy to see those numbers improve for you. Don’t get me wrong, from time to time there have been tinges of jealousy when I see you flirting with seventy thousand others at the same time. But I’ve tried not to let it get to me. I’ve logged in faithfully and kept quiet, smiled and hoped for the best.

But today just pushed me over the edge. ‘Higher than normal load?’ And you couldn’t even update the status page to tell me. You couldn’t even be bothered with that. Didn’t have the guts to tell me in person so you just let the error message do it for you. You’re the lowest of the low.

It’s a step too far. You’ll see me around. I will login. I will be civil. But the financial relationship is over. You’ll never get another Premium Fee from me. And even when you come running back to me a few months down the line telling me that mine was the best Premium Fee you ever had, still… NO. I will laugh at you and tell you I don’t need to be Premium with you. I will tell you there’s plenty more places I can spend my money. I will look at you and pity you, half of me knowing that you will only then say the same thing to another few thousand people anyway. I cannot be premium with someone so unreliable.

I feel such a fool for thinking you were different.

Farewell, my love.

* I did actually send this as a ticket to Linden Lab. I will be sure to inform you all if I get a response!

Dear Bloodlines,

My name is Dracula and I write in regard to some of your practices. It seems that the way in which you do things is beginning to raise eyebrows back at Vampire Headquarters.

Now, I am certainly not the overlord of all things Vampiric. However, I am regarded as something of a figurehead for our kind and certainly have been around long enough to have seen the progression of our species. I therefore feel it my duty to bring to your attention the following points I made upon observing your kind for a number of weeks.

1. The process of becoming a vampire really isn’t anything to do with your silly HUD. Honestly, a button that turns off the blood from your fangs? Really? Come off it! The best way to remove the Blood from your fangs is to lick them dry!

2. Sending a message to people prior to biting them really is incredibly bizarre. For centuries our kind have hunted in urban areas, rural areas…everywhere the world wide. But never once have we sent anyone a message asking their permission for a bite? It just doesn’t work like that. Might I suggest instead that your people spend some time practicing the lurking in dark alleys method and jumping out on people, a means preferred by some of the more amateur among our kind.

3. Storing the names of the souls you have taken on bloody databases is ludicrous! You don’t need to add your lunch to your Christmas card list! What do you think we did prior to server farms and computers? Nothing! You don’t need to know the name of your latest snack! And if you do want to brag about your bites, then do so verbally and informally. If anyone is going to win the prize for most human blood drank it is me! So you’re all wasting your time anyway!

4. What is with the crazy facial animation you all make when you bite someone? You’re having a snack… you’re not constipated! Your eyes don’t need to fly out of their sockets. Honestly, people, in my early days if I had seen our kind looking like that, I would have sent them to surgeons to get help with their facial distortion.

5. Who on Earth invented this potion thing you can drink to reclaim your soul? I need say nothing more than what a con.

So as you see there are a number of items of concern. In fact, looking back over I have to put it to you that you are not vampires at all, but instead are a form of extra terrestrial attention whores. I cannot think of a catchier name, I am afraid. If you believe me to be wrong and insist upon maintaining that you are indeed vampires, then might I suggest you invest in a copy of “Being Vampires for Dummies.”

Regards,

Count Dracula