Pixel Scoop

I feel a little fat today,
I’ll move my belly slider,
It’s great how I stay slim
Despite six pizzas every Friday.

Look at the guy over there,
Dressed up like a Knight,
Hitting on my girlfriend
With his over zealous height.

No matter, not to worry,
All his chat up lines will fail,
When I adjust my height
To be 100 on that scale!

Oh run away now little man,
Quick, go on now! Flee!
Now I’ve got toned biceps too!
You’re nothing next to me.

And if you come back taller,
Trying to beat me at my best,
I’ll simply slide again
And get a super toned up chest!

And as if that’s not enough,
About which I can brag,
Into appearance one more time,
To increase my duffel bag!!

When I’m down and feeling blue,
I rezz my balls and look at you.
And on you pop, right click, sit down,
You ride me madly… but what’s that frown?

Our bits don’t reach….I’m humping air.
Some newbies stop to stand and stare.
We’re out of sync, I want to taste,
But all I do is lick your waist!

You suck my thigh, I kiss your knee.
These poseballs just don’t work for me.
Stand up, give up…. I’ll look at you!
To Bits n Bobs for something new!!!!!

[NOTE] I’m not affiliated with Bits n Bobs!

Oh Ruth, oh Ruth.
Just where do I begin?
So fine was she with mullet hair
And weird, undetailed skin.

Seen almost in every place,
So very SL savvy,
But Ruth, my Ruth… what did they do?
REPLACED THE DEFAULT AVIES!

How can I begin
To even understand this hurt?
To accept that I’ll never see
That ugly purple shirt?

To see those who replaced you,
All happy, jovial smiles,
Wandering where you wandered
On those laggy newbie isles.

You’d been around forever.
Oh how were we to know,
That one cruel day in June 08,
That they would let you go?

And those who took your place, my Ruth,
They’ll never be as true,
As sweet, as kind, as kinda weird
As my unattractive you.

And now tis time to say goodbye,
And I must break the truth.
The fact is that you’re just a mong,
My quirky, ugly, Ruth.

Another dreaded invite,
For another dreaded do,
Must you marry all the time
And make me suffer too?

I don’t sit there cooing,
I am mostly AFK,
Or looking through inventory,
And throwing things away.

The first time was ok, I guess,
The second not so bad.
The third and fourth were kind of dull,
The fifth and sixth quite sad.

Seven was the worst, I think.
Eight and nine I missed!
Ten was fairly funny,
As I turned up really pissed!

I slept right through eleven,
Think I slept through twelve as well.
Thirteen, that was the longest
And fourteen was just Hell.

Before you go through fifteen,
Please just heed the words I say,
You’re not obliged to marry
Every av that looks your way!

Ima pop a pixel cap
Right in your pixel ass.
Ima grief you senseless, yo
And I’m gonna make you crash.

I got pixel bullets, yo.
I’m da gangsta King.
I even got a doo rag, yo.
Just check dis freebie bling.

Yo, I’m on SLX right now,
I’m in the freebie bit,
Gonna get me a big rifle, yo
And all dat other gangsta shit.

I’m gonna get me griefer tools,
The freebie ones of course,
I’m gonna rezz those Mario cubes
You’ll feel my gangsta force.

I’m gonna be real tough, yo, sup,
When walkin’ round this game,
Ima get me bitches, yo.
I want pixel fame.

And then I’ll turn my PC off,
And have hot milk, so yummy.
Then get my PJs on and
Go to sleep next to my Mummy.

Oh how I love thee teleports,
With such amazing speed,
Picking me up and carryin me
Half way across the grid.

How I love how you’ve no time
For dignity or class,
Spewing us out the other side,
Our shoes stuck up our ass.

Oh, your unreliability,
We love, without a doubt,
How sometimes you do not complete,
Sometimes you log us out.

But what I love the most,
My truest, deepest passion,
Is your basic inability
To work in timely fashion.

Today, I thought I’d share my romantic streak Enjoy!

I swear upon these pixel shoes,
(The ones stuck up my ass),
To never, ever leave your side,
(Unless, of course, I crash).

I swear to never look upon
Another pixel chick,
To always check for updates
For my interactive d***.

I’ll even pay that hefty fee,
Ten Lindens or whatever,
To get you in my partner box,
Where you will stay forever.

I’ll keep you in my profile,
Where I’ll write such loving things.
I’ll never wear bandanas,
Or that freebie gangsta bling.

I promise not to change my av,
Or wear a hover text watch.
All these things I swear
Upon the hair stuck at my crotch.

When the asset server fails us,
And transactions all go down,
When teleports cannot complete,
I’ll still be around.

But should you ever leave me,
I’ll drag you through the pixel courts,
And make you pay that twenty five
For our virtual divorce!