I was in a store today when a pixel child IMed me and informed me that she has no Daddy.
I ignored her.
She then IMed me again asking if I would be her Daddy.
I ignored her.
Her ‘Mother’ then IMed me telling me she thought I would make a great parent.
WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
Aside from the fact that there is every chance that this ‘child’ is actually a fifty year old bloke, can you imagine that in RL? Someone just walking up to someone in a store asking them to be a parent to their child? Ok,ok… so there are some f**ked up situations where single Mothers jump from one relationship to another in like 30 seconds and the kids end up calling seventeen different men ‘Dad’ in a year. But does anyone really ask people to parent their children?
Probably not. At least not the normal ones, right?
For those of us familiar with the online dating scene in Second Life, it can be a warm relief sometimes to head out and date in the physical world! A conversation that doesn’t rely on your mic not cutting out, fun that you can actually feel and the ability to date from beyond the confines of the four walls of your house!!
SL dating is great… but despite its incredible array of beautiful dating locations, as those who meet in SL and then meet in RL will vouch, the physical connection is invaluable.
But anyhow…just for fun, ten lines that might work in Second Life, but certainly won’t work on your real life dates (particularly if your date has never played SL)!
Come here and hop on my balls, please. Not likely to get you a dance, very likely to get you a slap!
Your skirt isn’t fitting right. Shrink your ass? Again, you won’t be seeing underneath that skirt. More than likely seeing the back of her hand.
You’re totally grey to me. If she’s feeling age sensitive, you’re dumped.
You’re completely bald to me. Again, won’t go down well.
BRB – Need to eat. Yes, going ‘afk’ for ten mins to eat is not acceptable on a real life date!
Shit, wife is in the room! BRB. Don’t even try this one!!
I accidentally deleted your baby. Easy way to a long stretch in jail.
My dick isn’t working. Never do this…. especially not on a first date. Not unless you want to be celibate forever.
I was going to treat you to some genitals that are compatible with mine. Well done. Now you’re dateless and scheduled for sectioning.
There was a noob in my bed when I came in earlier. That will never work as an excuse, my friend. Never!
So for those of us stepping out to the world of face to face dating…. let’s leave the Second Life lines behind!!!
I hereby declare these commandments to be law. Ok, so I have f**k all power to enforce them. But Police Departments in world have bollock all power and people still seem to pay attention… so I am stamping my foot and demanding these be followed.
1. Thou shalt quit with the “No Drama Zone,” signs. It’s not funny. Everyone has them. And in my experience, those with the ‘no drama’ signs and profile messages tend to be the ones at the root of most of the drama. If you are the kind of person who had a need to stipulate that you don’t like drama, I’m thinking it must follow you around
2. Thou shalt not partner more than one person in a month. What is with people partnering like seventeen people a month. Really? I don’t get it. Is it a game? Is there a lotto I’m not aware of where the person who partners the most avies in Second Life gets something good? Please, enlighten me.
3. Thou shalt stop blinging. It gives me a headache and it stopped being cool 3 seconds after its creation.
4. Thou shalt stop wearing heels with the clicking sound. Girls, please! They never work. Lag. Lag stops everything like this from being as smooth as it should be. You stopped walking five minutes ago but your heels are still clicking. It makes me have to turn my sounds down.
5. Thou shalt quit with the spammy chain note cards. I get enough spam to my email, thanks. The note cards that are like the same as the emails… some random horror story and then “pass this to fifteen more avatars or else you’ll die a horrible death and your remains will be eaten by feral cats.’ Really? Bollocks to it. Trash. I will take my chance on the cats.
6. Thou shalt not play your freakin’ music over your microphone and through voice. It’s annoying. Really, really ennoying.
7. Thou shalt not beg me for Lindens. Seriously, if you are in such dire straits that you can’t afford to buy yourself a couple of dollars worth of Lindens, I suggest you log out and go find a job.
8. Thou shalt not leave your kids screaming in the background while you play on here. It makes everyone around you uncomfortable. Log out and feed them!
9. Thou shalt not create alts just to stalk people. It’s weird. And if you really feel the need to stalk people across the grid, you should probably question your sanity.
10. Thou shalt never, never, ever under any circumstances wear floaty text with your name on. WE HAVE NAME TAGS! I know your name because it’s on your tag. Why would you wear it again on floaty text above your head? You’re so good they named you twice. I don’t understand it…
Don’t be lonely this Valentine’s Day. There’s a single fella floating around Second Life who would give his right arm to set up sim with you.
Yes, this guy is looking for SLove. And RLove too, it seems. His classified reads:
“Hi, Single 34 year old Lonely Guy=( Looking 4 a RL+SL Match SOME1 SPECIAL 2 CREATE MY SIM WITH 2GETHER ,Never Married, No Kids, SEEKING SAME! Don’t Drink, or Smoke, HomeBody, Humorous, Affectionate, Inquisitive, Fun, Even Tempered, Marriage Minded 4 Dating in PA USA. Loyal, Sensitive, Loving, Intelligent, Thoughtful, Understanding, Deep, Logical, Motivated & Has Time & Willing to Make Time & Effort to Pursue a Meaningful Relationship, UnShelfish, Sincere, Honest & Upfront , Flawed =), Dependable, Caring, Patient, Creative. Analytical, Interested in a Future & Family. I am Slim 6′ Enjoy PC, Video Games, Movies, Tech, Spiderman, Sopranos, Napoleon Dynomite, Michael Jackson, 80’s, Freestyle, & Dance Music, & Conversations. No quitters, not Stubborn,no Drama It be nice 2 have a Building Partner in SL & RL too =) Communication is key! I am not your typical guy! No, Not a FruitCake more like the 40 Year Old Virgin I am in Search of a Soul Mate in Search of me.
My SL Name is CoolnessCat Magic
If interest Holla=)”
[Note: Excessive capital letters are nothing to do with me. I copied and pasted!]
So, the 40 year old non-fruit cake virgin is looking for someone to build with in real life. And what does “unshelfish” mean?
Anyway, I’m not here to make fun of him. Really. Ok maybe a little bit. No, wait. That’s mean. I’m not here to make fun of him.
Though personally I would never run a classified like that. I have no issue with dating in SL and I have no issue with the crossovers into RL either. None whatsoever. But a classified in Second Life with a view to meeting your life partner from it strikes me as odd. Maybe I’m just a miserable cynic.
Anyway, single ladies…. CoolnessCat Magic is your man )
Ladies, Gentlemen, toons, nekos, furries, spampires, robots and whatever the fuck else is roaming around Second Life, if you’re not grown up enough to sort out your pixel problems without the help of a virtual attorney (whose real life qualifications probably fail to exceed ‘basic literacy’) then really, log off. Ctrl Q, trust me it works wonders.
What is with the number of lawyers springing up in Second Life? A quick sift through classifieds and place search and you’ll find dozens. And these people claim to help you settle disputes over ownership following a “Second Life break up,” as an example of a service. Umm… how exactly does that conversation go:
Attorney: That brings us to the $2500L sex carpet.
Him: That’s totally mine, completely mine. Hell, she got the animated shower and the script error-ing virtual labrador. The carpet is mine.
Her: No, you can’t have the carpet. I have a new partner now and I need the carpet!!!!!
Him: Absolutely not… hand it over NOW?!
Attorney: Ok, this is complicated. I am going to have to consult with the object properties. Excuse me. I won’t be a moment, I just need to right click this.
[INSERT AWKWARD SILENCE OF AROUND 20 SECONDS AND LOTS OF TENSION]
Attorney: The carpet is hers.
Him: What?!?! How could you decide that?! Ridiculous decision.
Attorney: I am afraid that in the eyes of the law, that carpet is hers. Largely because it’s no trans.
Seriously, people! Get a grip! And if you need help sorting out land issues or have been screwed over by a land baron (another service some of these ‘attorneys’ claim to assist with, go to Linden Lab! In fact, if you have a Premium Account you will probably get a response from LL faster than a virtual lawyer anyway!
I don’t get it. I really don’t. Is “Second Life Attorney,” bullshit for “Has freebie suit, needs Lindens?”
I was looking around on the Second Life Jira earlier on and interestingly, it seems the Jira requesting that ‘multiple partners be enabled,’ has the same amount of interested as one that wants restrictions on unverified accounts to prevent the use of alts to sell copybotted content. So if we take the jira as gospel, we’re exactly as concerned about having more than one partner as we are about stolen content. You can find the Jiras I am referring to here and here.
Now, I’ve heard people complaining that they desperately want the multiple partners feature before. But I have a good reasons that it should never, ever, ever be incorporated.
It could very feasibly lead to bankruptcy. The rate at which people partner and departner in Second Life is incredibly. If you can imagine that the total cost of getting partnered and then undoing it is 35L, assuming that this would be the charge per partner, some people are going to be penniless quickly. Relationships with four or five people in that break up/make up twenty three times a day are going to seriously leave some people in the financial faeces.
I don’t get it… the multiple partners thing. If you have multiple partners, you’re not exclusive with one person. So why would you want a partner name for anyone in your profile? Is that space not intended to declare exclusivity? It kind of loses a lot of its meaning if there’s ninety one people in the list, don’t you think? Crikey, I have enough of a problem remembering what day of the week it is – I can’t imagine remembering multiple partners’ names.
Nah, if you want a twenty person marriage, get a freakin’ group (and some psychological help).
Alrighty, I am blogging this because I love the venue, the people there and I think that this is a refreshing competition.
Straight from the note card:
Thank you for your interest in The Lyrical Cafe’s first bi-monthly Slam Contest. We are looking for shining stars like yourself to bring your best work and hope that your performance will be stellar.
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As with any other contest there are Rules that must be applied and they are as follows:
- Your work must be original, your very own creation.
- All poets must send a copy of the poem they are reading to staff with their entry form.
- You cannot deviate from the work you submitted or that will cause immediate disqualification.
- Your work must be three to five minutes in length.
- Your entry form must be turned in on or before February 25th.
- If you are offensive during your peformance, you will be ejected from the sim.
- If you are performing, you must be at least ten minutes early or be put down as a no show.
On the lighter side of things, we want you to enjoy yourself but here are some tidbits of information that might be of interest to you:
- All will be judged on four categories; delivery, creativity, content, and originality.
- The judges will score between one through five in each category.
- You have to stay for the entire event in order to qualify.
- There will be a total of three judges on the panel.
- This will be a bi monthly event that will be held by the Lyrical Cafe.
- Your name will be displayed as the winner until the next contest.
- If you win you cannot enter your name in the upcoming contest; you must skip at least one.
- There will be a total of four Slam Poetry contests ending on August 28th.
- The schedule this year will be February 27th, April 24th, June 26th and August 28th @ 4pm SL.
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Note: We are looking for raw energy, passion, and those with the ability to draw the crowd into their performance. We are looking for those individuals who can knock the socks off the panel.
Break a Leg!
~ Lyrical Cafe Staff ~
Ok, so this might technically not be Second Life related. But I can make it Second Life related later on. It is, essentially, my rant about the iPad (or the oversized iPod Touch).
Let me start by saying I love Apple. I have an iPhone 3GS and I love it more than I love my dog. Ok, not quite that much, but I do love it an awful lot. I would also like to add that I have a good Hewlett Packard laptop. I feel, with these two, that I am fully equipped to get by online both portably and from home.
Steve Jobs called it ‘revolutionary,’ and ‘magical’. I call it a big iPhone. And while the iPhone is awesome, it is awesome because it does everything you can imagine and makes phones and has text messaging and fits in your pocket. Have you ever dreamed of owning a phone doesn’t make phone calls and would never fit in your pocket even if you wore giant gangsta baggy jeans with pockets the size of small houses? No. Me neither.
Apparently it’s magical because you can:-
- Surf the web (like you can with your iPhone or laptop)
- Play games (like you can with your iPhone or laptop)
- Watch movies (like you can with your iPhone or laptop)
- Read digital editions of publications (like you can with your iPhone or laptop).
Anyone else seeing a pattern emerging here? If you wanted something portable and pocket sized, a smartphone would do the job. If you wanted something to sit on your desk, a laptop would work. So what’s the point in the maxipad iPad? Apparently it ‘bridges the gap between an smart phone and a laptop.’
THAT’S NOT A GAP THAT NEEDS BRIDGING! It’s like trying to bridge the gap between fries and potato wedges. They are both good…. both similar but different enough that you can appreciate their differences. There is nothing in the middle! There is no need for anything in the middle. And there is certainly no need for anything in the middle that will cost upwards of $500 ($640 if you’d like your wedges with 3G internet capabilities)!
Now, watch how I loosely relate this “the iPad is shit,” post to Second Life!
Will the iPad run Second Life? Technically, yes, it should. I already have Touch Life and Sparkle IM, both of which offer limited functionality (more funciontality in the case of the cheaper Touch Life, actually). But they let you check IMs, respond to IMs etc which is the core thing I would need while on the move. So the question of whether or or the iPad would run Second Life “properly,” that is to say with all the trimmings and pretty graphics, was a big one for me.
Hamlet Au wrote up a good article about this on New World Notes. Check that out here.
While I agree that the added power of the iPad (when compared to the iPhone) should mean a graphically rich Second Life experience is possible… there’s one tiny little problem. Second Life will not truly be portable with this device. Firstly, unless you get the 3G version (more expensive) you will only have internet access when in range of a wireless connection. And even if you do get the 3G version, 3G is not yet fast enough to run a graphically rich Second Life. Hell, it’s not fast enough to download a music track particularly efficiently. So yes, the iPad might run Second Life…. but only when you’re in range of a wireless connection. Just like a laptop does.
So that reopens the question – what’s the point in the iPad?
Rant over…. from me at least. But it seems a certain Nazi Dictator has something to say about it too…
….and if it’s the last thing I do, I will bring them to you! Not literally… but photographically.
But it wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped. Today was the first time since I started using Second Life that I have toured the newbie zones and infohubs and NOT found a single naked blingtard. So I figured I’d take a quick trip to Zindra. There were sure to be naked blingtards there, right?
Surely one of these dots MUST be a naked blingtard?
I tried the busiest locations and believe it or not, almost everyone was dressed. At least partially. There’s more frikkin nudity on the PG sims!!!! Given that information, I headed back to the PG and mature regions and came across plenty of people. But the naked one were not blingtards and the blingtards were fully clothed.
Yes, all from the "non-adult" sims!!
But I had promised a naked blingtard. So I really had only one option…..
The things I do....
So, promise kept.
Now, is it an appropriate time to suggest that you should all make me feel better by posting your own naked blingtard impressions? No? Really, no takers? Not even if I make it a challenge?
