Pixel Scoop

Ok, so I came across a zombie that is just completely cool. I have seen it on XstreetSL a few times but only bothered my ass to actually get it today!

And I’m glad I did! This is one of the best freebies I’ve seen in game. It’s zombie avatar complete with AO that animates you into a one armed weirdo and also makes you walk all zombie-like too. Have some pictures!

Funnily enough, this bears an uncanny resemblance to an ex of mine ;-)

Dressed to Impress!

I love this thing! The walk is so funny and it’s really well put together.

And ok, ok, evil comments about who it looks like aside… it actually looks like me the morning after a heavy night. I wonder if it smells as bad!!

This is created by Katana Woolley and sold on XstreetSL by Exosius Woolley and you can find it here!

Ok, first of all I apologise for my appallingly predictable play on words there. I know, I know, I deserveto be hung alive for that. But you’ll get over it.

I don’t review often. And when I do it is for one of the following reasons:-
A. It is a bad review which gives me the opportunity to be completely hurtful at someone’s expense. Always fun. I’m a sick and pathetic little man, I know. So shoot me.
B. The product/place is funny, original and completely different.
C. I have a vested interest (at least I’m honest about it).

This time it is B. With a hint of C. A little hint. Let me clarify.

Screwball Cartoon Avatars is a region that my better half just opened, completely cartoon themed! Let me use pictures to illustrate! (Nifty, eh? The wonders of Windlight)!

Pictures do a far better job than my ramblings of showing you what it’s all about! What they don’t show is the hidden things, such as ‘Little Willy’s Porn Emporium’ (yes, you read it right). As well as the loveable and familiar cartoon attractions, there’s so many hidden little places with a real witty twist.

Yes, of course I like anything my partner does. But I felt the need to review this, rather than just pat her on the back and say ‘nice job,’ as it really is a remarkably well done job and very original in terms of what is already around in Second Life™.

Go check it out! You will find the region here.

No, I’m not declaring to the world that I’ve got a maggot in my trousers! I wanted to show you what is, in my humble opinion, the wittiest avatar in the history of avatars.

Ok, ok, so I am probably a little biassed, this being made by my better half and all that good stuff, but seriously, what could NOT be funny about a miniature cock avatar that runs around using its balls as feet??!! I have been called a ‘complete dick’ before, so if people are going to say it, I may as well be it!

And when I say miniature it really is. This is 40cm tall which basically makes me absolutely teeeeny! I do get some bizarre looks when I’m off out in this thing. Some people think I am grossly crude and tactless (fairly accurate summary of my character, I guess). Others think it is hilarious. As with anything, it depends on the people you meet. I choose not to keep company with prudes so this suits me perfectly well!

Perhaps the best thing about this avie is the fact that there are two hilarious commands! /pee, typed in open chat will make you pee! /cum is the other one and there are no prizes for guessing what that does!!!

Should you wish to be a complete dick, you can find this avatar here.

I’ve blogged before (somewhat hypocritically) about how it gets a little dull when everyone has such gorgeous avatars. I complain about this while my avatar prances about with his pretty boy hair and Calvin Klein model style torso, of course. But anyway, I continue to live by the motto ‘do as I say and not as I do’ and I am therefore justified in being a complete hypocrit.

But Jenee came across a place the other day that caters for those who prefer a more, well, extreme appearance. Loser Designs does pretty funny skins and shapes! The creator is Zolin Dae whose skins are far from the model perfect material we’re all used to seeing and include a ‘Junkie Whore’ with cuts, bruises, herpes around the mouth, track marks and all that other good stuff! There’s another female skin with a somewhat generous ‘happy trail’ leading to a very, very, very generous helping of hair in the nether regions! There’s skins with zits and all that good stuff too. Their shapes include one for women who fancy being obese in game and none of this stuff is overly pricey either! At just L$ 600 for a skin and L$150 for a shape, that’s much cheaper than the model perfect ones from the top designers!

Having Jenee model these for me was rather amusing. Her usual pixel perfect avatar became beaten, infected, covered in hickies, completely hairy and generally just, well…. unattractive. Yes she moaned and complained right throughout and then went on to babble about stray hairs on chins and about this could feasibly happen to a girl’s body if she stopped looking after herself, while urgh-ing and eww-ing about every single flaw on her avatar!

I find the concept of Loser Designs awesome! It’s great to see that while skin designers spend their time oiling up pixel perfect bodies, maintaining smooth complexions and making us vain avies look gorgeous, that there’s someone out there who actually wants us all to look fat, spotty and bruised enough to invest plenty of time into making it both possible and affordable! So technically, you can get herpes, love bitten, bruised and obese for less than the price of a Starbuck’s coffee! Hmm, now that’s something you’d only ever hear in Second Life™.

For any of you out there feeling the sudden urge to leave behind your beautiful avatar and become somewhat ghetto…for any of you eager to look like you have contracted every STD known to man while consuming four Burger King meals a day and fighting with anything that breathes, you can find Loser Designs here.

[NOTE] Jenee Marten wishes for it be made clear that she is none of the following:-
-Prostitute
-Street Fighter
-STD Breeding Ground
-Hairy

At which point I might as well clarify that neither am I. Just in case you were wondering.

At least that’s the theory of Sarah Nerd, whose latest SLX freebie is absolutely hilarious. No, I don’t know Sarah personally. No I’m not being paid to mention this! No, nobody is currently standing at my side with a gun to my head ordering me to write this.

I know it’s unusual for me to ‘review’ something without there being sarcastic comments about the product, but this made me laugh for a good few minutes (out loud!) so thought I’d show you.

They get their good looks from me

Oh and I have just discovered, much by accident might I add, that they fart upon click! Personally I never did understand prim babies. When I’m not working in game, the last thing I would want to do is to be on call to an inanimate farting/pooping/hungry/demanding little [enter expletive here]. I mean, come on?? Who thought them up in the first place?? It isn’t even like they’re cute! I much prefer this parody version!

Anyway that is all for today! Just a chuckle.

Hangbags, rucksacks, shopping bags, bin bags….whatever. Why do people use them in Second Life™? In case these serial accessorisers haven’t noticed, we all have a big magic ‘bag’ of sorts, a sort of box that folds up neatly to be carried around on your client, not taking up too much space, weighing nothing (in physical terms at least) and that carries thousands upon thousands of items. Better than that… it’s FREE. Yes, I’m talking about your inventory. Why do people insist on carrying bags around? Save yourselves the effort of ‘right click, wear’ because, shock horror (sorry to ruin anyone’s disillusions here) your bag does not contain anything.

But while people insist on having them, I thought I should at least attempt to figure out exactly what these pointless bags say about their wearers!

Bag 1. The cutesy ladies handbag. Just to accessorise an outfit maybe? What difference does a pixel bag make to your outfit?

Ok, admittedly, this bag gives off a whole different statement when worn by a guy.

Bag 2. The guy bag. The ‘check me out’ bag. The ‘I don’t even need this but don’t I look good’ bag.

In answer… no. it does not look good. It looks like you are carrying around a pointless, empty bag.

Bag 3. The ‘my boyfriend just left me his pixel credit card so I MUST shop and I MUST show the whole world that I am shopping’ bag.

HINT: the contents of this bag are already in inventory. The bag is EMPTY and thus, POINTLESS.

Bag 4. The ‘I will take any piece of crap I can find in the world and just hang it off my bag’ bag.

Save the world. Recycle. Hang your trash on your bag.

So there. 4 bags. All empty. All pointless. I did, however, during the, ahem, ‘research’ I carried out for this post, come across a bag that does serve real purpose in game.

The ‘I cannot face this pixel world today’ bag, also conveniently full perms to enable me to pass out to those whose faces I am getting, quite frankly, sick of seeing. Kudos to creator, Zim Andric for this amusing little idea!

Wow. Bag intepretation. I think I just discovered a whole new level to myself. The style mags are calling……

Well, I’ve seen it all now! I was perusing SLExchange™ miscellaneous category to see if I could find something I probably don’t need to buy and allow to rot in my inventory for the rest of eternity, when I came across a rather interesting item! ‘Cyber Sex Flashcards for him,’ to be precise! And no, it really isn’t a joke. For L$500 this creator promises to really boost your cyber sex life through a series of cards with… well what exactly? I couldn’t quite bring myself to buy them even for the purpose of reviewing but if their advertising is anything to go off, then apparently you absolutely need these so that women won’t gossip with their friends about your bad pixel performances! In fact, allow me to share their item description with you (I’m sure they won’t mind the free advertising).

“These cards were made in an effort to assist you in impressing your partner with your cyber moves to the point where she will want you again, and again! We realize that even bad typing can result in not so hot cyber sex so these cards may just be a “tool” to enable you to say what your really want to do, but perhaps can’t type it out without spelling errors! Or, if you are more physical in real life and not used to having to put your actions into words, these cards will help you in that area as well. Our goal is that eventually, you will no longer need the Cyber Flash Cards, or that you may only have to refer back to them from time to time.
Being a good cyber lover, will keep you in demand and the ladies will be sure to tell their friends you are the best lover they ever had!”

The description is accompanied by three images informing us that “Real men do ask for directions, and that “Girls tell eachother everything. Don’t let her tell her friends that you suck at cyber.”

Wow, what an interesting way to advertise. Essentially informing all men that they clearly are not real men, will be mocked for the rest of their lives tirelessly and will never get any Second Life™ loving again…unless they buy these cards! But the creator has the last laugh judging by the number of ratings received! Now, I hold my hands up and admit that I have personally stood within chat range of newbies cybering, in that age of innocence when they don’t realise that people listen to public chat and cyber in the public channel, and I have read and chuckled to myself. The majority of times it consists of a series of, “Mmmmm,” “Goooooooooooood,” “Yeeeeeeeeah,” (before she types “BRB” and disappears for all eternity). So granted, perhaps pumping a little imagination (no pun intended) into the population’s cybering habits isn’t a bad thing. But surely if these cards really are THAT elaborate and girls really do tell each other absolutely everything, someone is going to get sussed out. Take the following example:

Girl 1: Oh wow, you’ll never guess what I did last night.

Girl2: Gee. Please tell me. I am almost wetting my pants in anticipation of the story you’re going to tell.

Girl 1: Well I cybered Dave the Avatar again!

Girl2: Really? But I thought he sucked at cybering. That’s what you said when you told me everything last week. You said he was the worst pixel sex you’ve ever had, ever, ever, ever and you said he blatantly got his whatsit from a freebie store and that it looked a little bit diseased and like it might fall off. And you said all he did was say ‘Mmmmm’ the whole time and that he had a tattoo of a Swastika on his back that was all a bit freaky.

Girl1: Oh but never mind that. I don’t mind his Nazi tendencies and diseased body parts anymore, because he got good at cybering, so nothing else in the world matters anymore. I mean, it’s fair to say even though he tells me he is a hot twenty one year old from New Zealand (whose pictures by the way, look exactly like Brad Pitt’s. He’s even been in the same films as Brad Pitt, judging by his pics), he could be a half dead 89 year old cross dresser from Saturn, but even that doesn’t matter. Because he got good at cybering.

Girl2: Wow, that’s so strange because my boyfriend, Dick the Avatar got better at cybering too.

Girl1: Well I bet he isn’t as good as Dave. Dave told me that he was going to run his fingers gently over my skin while whispering into my ear how much he loved me in seventeen different languages and then….

Girl2: What? But that’s what Dick said to me!

And there you have it. Sussed. And surely when these guy’s girlfriends realise they’re copying and pasting their heat of the moment words directly from widely distributed flash cards, won’t that ruin the moment? And won’t people get a little bit suspect when their partners who normally misspell four letter words start constructing grammatically perfect complex love lines without a single spelling mistake?

I rest my case. And just for amusement’s sake, if you think your “Mmmmms,” and “Aaaahs,” will make you a mockery among all female avies, then maybe try a move comical approach! http://www.teamwarfare.com/forums/showthread.asp?forumid=9&threadid=52065&page=1