Pixel Scoop

Ok, I have blogged before on my confusion over pixel police and their inability to understand that they have no more rights or tools than us mere virtual civilians. But now I’m even more confused. Pixel Firemen? What?

I saw someone dressed as a fireman earlier with some title that indicated he was chief of his ‘fire department’ so I took a look at some groups. And it seems there are plenty of people around in game who believe it’s their mission to put out all the pixel fires. Now I don’t know about you, but if my little pretendy campfire miraculously got out of hand, I would just pick it up and tuck it away in my inventory again. Nice and safe. And completely doable without the assistance of some wannabe superhero.

So then I began to ask myself what else firemen do and came to rescuiing pets! If my pixel pet ever gets stuck in a tree, am I likely to call the Second Life™ fire department or am I more likely, once again, to just pick it up? Even if the little creature gets out of my sight, there are plenty of tools to help me locate it or even return it to myself from the estate tools. And I think that pretty much sums up the only two things they’d be required to do, right?

Perhaps they should all get jobs dancing in some club? I hear the women like those uniforms…

So glow is another tool that enables those whose graphics cards permit to create objects with a little more ambience or prominence than light might allow.

However, like everything, it tends to be a little overused…abused even.

Now I can understand when people are messing with glow settings and they do not have the hardware or the settings to see it, that they might think the glow is a tiny little bit and just end up leaving it on full. This often stays on until someone who can see it screeches out in agony at their temporary loss of eyesight and the aforementioned non-glow enabled individual rectifies the matter. But what is with people trying to deliberately blind the population of Second Life™? Ok, so by all means a little glow around your store entrance, or in the frames of special offer items and so on can be a great effect. But when it gets to ludicrous extremes it can be incredibly annoying.

Just a hint for store owners who think they need to have ALL the light from the sun flickering at their store entrance just to get people in: If we cannot see the entrance, we are unlikely to go there. Would you like an example? You’re getting one anyway!

When I saw this outside a store I was actually a little afraid to go in. Once my retinas recovered from the short term damage and my eyes stopped bleeding, I walked a little closer. At one stage I was half tempted to drop down onto my knees and beg for forgiveness for 27 years of sinning, but then I realised it was not God. An alien being coming down to kidnap me, maybe? No, it wasn’t that either. Some bizarre effect of a solar eclipse somewhere? Again no. Just excessive glow.

I have adopted a “don’t stare directly at it” approach with glow now. But honestly, if you went shopping in real life, walked into a clothing store and the sales assistant said, ‘Ok, before you can shop here I have to blind you? Would you mind if I stuck this fork in your eyes?’ would you hang around? I wouldn’t. And I won’t buy from places who insist on blinding me before I’m even allowed to look at the products.

For all the people out there who do this, let me ask one thing…

So, Linden Labs just announced that they will be raising tier on all openspace regions from January 2009. There will be no Grandfathering and all openspaces will be subject to a huge 66% increase from $75 per month too $125.

Now, let me get this right. First of all they cut full prim sims by 40% in purchase price, devaluing EVERYONE’S assets by that amount and even moreso if you consider the market saturation this led to. They then cut openspaces down to a very affordable $250 a month and doubled the prims on those to 3750. So of course thousands of people rush out and add plenty of openspaces to their estate. There are lots of companies out there now who depend upon openspace sims. And then once Linden Labs get themselves into the happy position of having this many people owning openspaces, the dollar signs in their eyes get bigger and they decide to hike their income from those by 66%!

Their excuse? The fact that they are not being used for openspace use anymore, people renting on them etc etc. So apparently, hiking the purchase price to $ 325 and the tier to $ 125 per month is going to fix this???

Bullshit.

And just when it was going so well they pull another crock of shit out of their arses.

For me personally, the effect will be minimal. Fortunately the company I manage does not rely on open spaces at all. We have a few, but they’re primarily to connect continents. And for companies like this, the forthcoming decline in openspace regions will probably mean an increase in people purchasing standard full prim parcels.

However, in terms of a business decision, I cannot help but think it is just greed combined with stupidy.

Rant over

If I get one more stupid request from someone wanting to bite me, I am going to…well… I can’t think of exactly what I will do right now, but still. I will do something. Maybe I will scream. Perhaps I will curse. I may stamp my feet and send a torrent of abuse in the direction of my monitor. Or perhaps I will do none of the above and instead do what I usually do, which is say, “If I get one more stupid request from someone wanting to bite me….”

But anyway. It’s annoying. Why on Earth would someone IM a complete stranger and say, “Can I bite you please?” In real life, I’d have them done for common assault if they tried to bite me. How many times do I have to reiterate to these people that I am not a bloody pizza, I’m not a juicy steak, I will NEVER be a tasty bowl of pasta and despite what their HUD tells them I do not taste incredible and I am certainly not prime frikkin Vampire food. And not only do these ‘Vampires’ want to bite me. They want to bite me and then have me go purchase some daft bloody game in order that they can claim the credit for my soul?

Under the irritating circumstances of this becoming more and more frequent, I thought I would take a little look at the Bloodlines website.

It’s all about collecting ’souls’ which, in my humble opinion translates to go around pissing people off with stupid ‘Can I bite you?’ IMs. And how very unvampire-like. In all the Vampire movies I have seen, there isn’t a single one in which the vampire stops before biting in order that he can send a courteous IM to check that it’s ok! Dracula definitely did NOT do that.

The FAQs on the Bloodlines website make for some interesting reading. One of them, for example, asks, ‘My fangs are attached, but the bite still isn’t working. What should I do?’ My personal answer would be to go see a dentist. Their suggestion is to rezz a new set, but whatever. Another question on their FAQ page is, and I quote, ‘My gender isn’t set correctly, how do I change it?’ According to Bloodlines, changing gender is a click of the mouse. And there was me thinking it was all about hormone supplements and extensive surgery…

But of my pick of their FAQs, I save the best for last. Allow me to share my favourite of their questions and its answer:

“I joined bloodlines, and my soul went to the first person who bit me, and I don’t know them. I wanted to give it to my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend, and my husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is upset that someone else has my soul. Can you fix this?
Unfortunately, we can’t undo a bite. Once you’re bitten by someone, it’s permanent. If you were attacked by a vampire in real life, there would be no way to undo it. However, just because someone else has your soul doesn’t mean that you’re linked to them, you can still pledge allegiance to anyone or join any clan.”

Erm, did I read that right? “If you were attacked by a Vampire in real life there would be no way to undo it?” Seriously, if I was attacked by a vampire in real life I would be admitting myself to the nearest psychiatric ward and asking them to stop the hallucinations!

Anyway, I’m done ranting now. I feel much better.

Ok, first of all I apologise for my appallingly predictable play on words there. I know, I know, I deserveto be hung alive for that. But you’ll get over it.

I don’t review often. And when I do it is for one of the following reasons:-
A. It is a bad review which gives me the opportunity to be completely hurtful at someone’s expense. Always fun. I’m a sick and pathetic little man, I know. So shoot me.
B. The product/place is funny, original and completely different.
C. I have a vested interest (at least I’m honest about it).

This time it is B. With a hint of C. A little hint. Let me clarify.

Screwball Cartoon Avatars is a region that my better half just opened, completely cartoon themed! Let me use pictures to illustrate! (Nifty, eh? The wonders of Windlight)!

Pictures do a far better job than my ramblings of showing you what it’s all about! What they don’t show is the hidden things, such as ‘Little Willy’s Porn Emporium’ (yes, you read it right). As well as the loveable and familiar cartoon attractions, there’s so many hidden little places with a real witty twist.

Yes, of course I like anything my partner does. But I felt the need to review this, rather than just pat her on the back and say ‘nice job,’ as it really is a remarkably well done job and very original in terms of what is already around in Second Life™.

Go check it out! You will find the region here.

Money makes the world go round, right? Or is that love? Well whatever. The point is we all kinda like it. There’s nothing better than feeling a bit flush after payday (real life) and being able to treat yourself to something you don’t need but just happen to want. It’s long been accepted that some will do anything in real life to get their hands on cash. And Second Life™ is no different. What continues to astound me in Second Life though, is how much people will do for an absolutely minimal amount of money.

Take camping for example, L$2 every ten minutes or so. That’s one cent per ten minutes, or six cents an hour. I’m pretty sure that breaks minimum wage laws in every single country! Ok, so there are those who camp while they sit around and talk to friends. Why not? If you’re only going to be sitting around talking to friends anyway, then you might as well get paid. But it always amazes me when people talk of leaving their computers on twenty four hours a day to camp for six cents an hour. Call me cynical, but would it not make more sense just to turn the computer off and save on the electricity bill? What with energy prices on the rise and all! It’s like paying ten dollars to travel to see someone who owes you a dollar. Forget about it!

And it isn’t just the electricity costs. It’s the undignified extremes some will go to with their camping. People will sit on ANY poseball no matter what it makes your avatar do just to get those couple of Lindens!!

Looks painful

Take these people for example. In their two hours of hanging around, staked of course, they’d earned L$ 13 each. However, much to my entertainment you could click on the little cones behind them to ‘jab the stakes harder’ and make them make all sorts of noises. Now there’s a job advertisement you would never see in real life:-

“We are looking to recruit men and women who would allow us to force a stake through their entire body for the entertainment of others, who will then be invited to come and jab that through a little harder. Qualifications and experience unimportant. Salary will be around 6 cents an hour, maybe 7 if you’re really good. Must be patient and have a high pain threshold. Please submit your resume.”

Hmm, I wonder if I’d get any takers for a role like that!

Issue 2 is now available in world! Just as dry, just as blunt and just as offensive as the first one. But that’s all good.

Let’s see… what do you get in this one? Interview with Craig Altman of Bits N Bobs, you get to meet Percy Prick the pixel dick and of course we bring you the breaking (fictional) news.

Pixel Scoop Issue 2

And, just because I am nice like that, I have even included a downloadable PDF version for those of you who simply cannot be bothered to go hunting for kiosks, don’t like those magazine HUD doo-dahs or just have a very special bond with PDFs. You mean that’s just me?

Anyway, click here for the downloadable version or pick up in the in world version from a kiosk… one of which is located here!

No, I’m not declaring to the world that I’ve got a maggot in my trousers! I wanted to show you what is, in my humble opinion, the wittiest avatar in the history of avatars.

Ok, ok, so I am probably a little biassed, this being made by my better half and all that good stuff, but seriously, what could NOT be funny about a miniature cock avatar that runs around using its balls as feet??!! I have been called a ‘complete dick’ before, so if people are going to say it, I may as well be it!

And when I say miniature it really is. This is 40cm tall which basically makes me absolutely teeeeny! I do get some bizarre looks when I’m off out in this thing. Some people think I am grossly crude and tactless (fairly accurate summary of my character, I guess). Others think it is hilarious. As with anything, it depends on the people you meet. I choose not to keep company with prudes so this suits me perfectly well!

Perhaps the best thing about this avie is the fact that there are two hilarious commands! /pee, typed in open chat will make you pee! /cum is the other one and there are no prizes for guessing what that does!!!

Should you wish to be a complete dick, you can find this avatar here.

Ok, so I do not know the actual name of them. And the name I choose to give them is appallingly foul mouthed of me and I therefore won’t share. But let me explain what I mean. There are gadgets out there now that enable people to invite everyone they basically once had on their buddies list to any of their groups. I believe it does based on calling cards in their inventory, though I could be wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time.

The point is, if someone is no longer on your buddies list, whether you still happen to have their calling card or not, the chances are they don’t want to be in your stupid group. If they didn’t like you enough to be your friend, they probably don’t like you enough to tolerate your spammy group.

This is at its most irritating when it happens to business accounts. There is an avatar, for example, I am required to use for certain land maintenance tasks. The offlines to this avatar, which is only ever used when certain tasks need to be carried out, go to email. And I am getting a little sick of the “Such-and-such-a-body has invited you to join their group, ‘DJ Who-the-Hell’s Fanclub’.” By ‘fanclub’ of course he means the three newbies he paid L$100 each to to be in it and everyone else he spammed from his contact list. None of them are really his fans. They are all either his alts or the people who feel inclined to accept and stay in his group because they are overly polite. And of course by being in the group you open yourselves up for IM after IM from the guy. “Come watch my avatar stand at pixel decks while I stream crappy music in through a free trial of Sam. It’s best in [insert a meaningless and boring adjective here] and your hostess is an automatic group inviter bot! Woot! Come on down.”

Anyway, I’m done bitching now. The moral of the story: Don’t be a prick.

Ok, well not me personally. But you know the sort! It seems that there is no shortage of people around threatening to commit aviecide every single week. Ok, so I understand that a number of people are leaving game disillusioned with everything from techincal troubles and Linden Labs right through to the fact that the avatar they were dating is now dating that chick that called them horrible names in that laggy club that one time.

Anyway, it isn’t those who actually up and leave I want to complain about. It’s the attention whores who declare every single week that they’re leaving for, well, pretty much anything. “Oh my God. Someone said they didn’t like the texture on my new house. That’s it. I’M LEAVING.” Or, “That bastard I was supposed to go dancing with didn’t log in. I’M LEAVING GAME.” Then there’s the type who have a petty argument with someone and of course declare they they’re never coming back. Ever. For good.

What amazes me is how these people interpret ‘for good,’ or ‘forever’. Allow me to clarify the following:-

1. Logging out for ten minutes and logging back in does not count as leaving for good.
2. Nor does logging out for three days.
3. Nope, not even a week. These are all just short breaks.
4. Setting up an alt and playing on that doesn’t count as having left for good either. In case you hadn’t noticed, even your alt is on the Second Life grid. You therefore haven’t left Second Life, have you?
5. Writing, ‘I’ve left game,’ on your profile when you’re blatantly standing in the middle of a store somewhere and very much in game just makes you look like a prat. You still haven’t left.
6. Even if you uninstall the client and then reinstall it, you still didn’t leave for good.

Ok, I just wanted to make that clear. I’m done ranting now.