Dumped and Desperate!
Wednesday, July 8th, 2009Partner Juggling is a common sport in Second Life™ and, as such, breakups are pretty much the norm! How many people do you know who’ve been through a Second Life ‘divorce’? Actually, I hate the term ‘divorce’ used in the context of Second Life.
Now personally, I don’t consider partnering to be anything like ‘marriage’. In case you haven’t already gathered, I’m not much a fan of the pixel wedding thing. It isn’t that I hate Second Life weddings… it’s that I hate them so much that it makes me want to gauge out my eyeballs, grind them up in a food blender and ingest them via a tube inserted somewhere uncomfortable. But anyway… enough about my dislike of getting married in Second Life. If I get started on that topic we will be here until next year.
Breaking up is a part of Second Life. And of course it can be upsetting to get close to someone and for that to then be over. I’m not completely machine you know… I do understand. But what I don’t understand is some of the crazy lengths people will go to in order to win back their former partners! Yes, I’m talking about the boomerang boyfriends, the desperate divorcees, the changed cheats, reformed rogues and generally bitter and dejected exes.
Rule One: Desperation, Tears and Clinginess is NOT a Good Look.
You know the sort of thing I’m talking about. The guys who fancy dipping their pixel parts in another avie for a while, get caught and promptly dumped and then realise that their new bit of fun doesn’t have the latest Xcite! bits. All of a sudden, craving the interactive genitals and general pixel loving of their former, they set out to win her back. Desperately. Pathetically. Every single picture on their profile is now a picture of him and his former in their ‘happy times’ during that ten minute ‘marriage’ they had. His picks are filled with lyrics from the latest ‘Music to Slit your Wrists to’ album and he does the unthinkable…he writes a ‘poem’ that actually starts in ‘Roses are red’. And not only does he write it, he sends it to her with a freebie set of red roses (that look more like lollipops). Oh and it gets worse… then he puts it up on his profile. You know the sort,
“Roses are red, violets are blue
My avatar dresses like crap without you.
I miss you so much and need you back here,
I just lost my home cos you won’t pay the tier.
My new single status left my ego bruised,
My penis is lonely and soooo underused.
I know I messed up, I know I’m a sleaze.
But I’m broke and I’m lonely, so take me back PLEASE!”
When said poem fails miserably and results only in her muting him, he sets up seventeen alt avatars and spends hours and hours searching the grid for her. He goes to all the places on her picks list and eventually finds her. And then of course he gives his identity away by screaming at the guy she’s dancing with. So she mutes new alt. Never mind. He has 16 more… and on it goes.
And as time goes on he gets increasingly desperate, he’ll put a pick in his profile telling the world how much of a pillock he was to lose her and naming her as the love of his life. His real life tab now contains some slightly stalkerish statement about finding her and at that stage she brings in the police. The real ones.
Anyway, you get my point. Desperate dumped lovers in Second Life and their hideous means of stalking their exes around the grid is sick. Completely sick. GET OVER IT!! There are 85000 other sets of pixels online! Can you not find one set stupid enough to have sex with you? Really?!?!?!
In that case, it’s time to log off….
