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Dear Bloodlines,

My name is Dracula and I write in regard to some of your practices. It seems that the way in which you do things is beginning to raise eyebrows back at Vampire Headquarters.

Now, I am certainly not the overlord of all things Vampiric. However, I am regarded as something of a figurehead for our kind and certainly have been around long enough to have seen the progression of our species. I therefore feel it my duty to bring to your attention the following points I made upon observing your kind for a number of weeks.

1. The process of becoming a vampire really isn’t anything to do with your silly HUD. Honestly, a button that turns off the blood from your fangs? Really? Come off it! The best way to remove the Blood from your fangs is to lick them dry!

2. Sending a message to people prior to biting them really is incredibly bizarre. For centuries our kind have hunted in urban areas, rural areas…everywhere the world wide. But never once have we sent anyone a message asking their permission for a bite? It just doesn’t work like that. Might I suggest instead that your people spend some time practicing the lurking in dark alleys method and jumping out on people, a means preferred by some of the more amateur among our kind.

3. Storing the names of the souls you have taken on bloody databases is ludicrous! You don’t need to add your lunch to your Christmas card list! What do you think we did prior to server farms and computers? Nothing! You don’t need to know the name of your latest snack! And if you do want to brag about your bites, then do so verbally and informally. If anyone is going to win the prize for most human blood drank it is me! So you’re all wasting your time anyway!

4. What is with the crazy facial animation you all make when you bite someone? You’re having a snack… you’re not constipated! Your eyes don’t need to fly out of their sockets. Honestly, people, in my early days if I had seen our kind looking like that, I would have sent them to surgeons to get help with their facial distortion.

5. Who on Earth invented this potion thing you can drink to reclaim your soul? I need say nothing more than what a con.

So as you see there are a number of items of concern. In fact, looking back over I have to put it to you that you are not vampires at all, but instead are a form of extra terrestrial attention whores. I cannot think of a catchier name, I am afraid. If you believe me to be wrong and insist upon maintaining that you are indeed vampires, then might I suggest you invest in a copy of “Being Vampires for Dummies.”

Regards,

Count Dracula

This is, with possibly the only exception being the Dolcett stuff, the weirdest thing I have come across in game.

Jenee and I were just exploring when we came across this place, called the Mercy General Hospital. The land description claimed it is intended for ‘medical fetishists and roleplayers’. We thought it a little odd but went inside and had a look anyway. And wow, well ‘odd’ is an understatement.

The hospital was actually rather elaborate in its layout with a morgue in the basement, maternity section, cardio-whatsit and plenty of equipment. Ok, fine, a hospital. That’s not too out of the ordinary. The 2 day old avatar pretending to be a doctor, however, was a little, ummm, different. Allow me to share the following log (though I will do these people the courtesy of a name change! I will, however, leave the spelling errors in! I will also show you the position these avies were in throughout this with a little picture!

They really let someone illiterate graduate medical school?

[9:47] Doctor Newbie: ok i, back
[9:47] Patient: yes dr
[9:47] Doctor Newbie: i will start with a breast exam
[9:48] Doctor Newbie: ok have you had breast cancer
[9:48] Patient: no doctor
[9:48] Doctor Newbie: ok next is an abdomanl exam
[9:48] Patient: yes
[9:49] Doctor Newbie: ok when was your last period
[9:49] Patient: 2 weeks ago doctor
[9:50] Doctor Newbie: ok was it light?
[9:50] Patient: yes doctor
[9:51] Doctor Newbie: ok your uteris is larger then normal i will need to run more test then a normal check up
[9:51] Patient: yes ok doctor
[9:51] Doctor Newbie: but now i need to do a pelvix exam
[9:51] Patient: yes doctor
[9:51] Doctor Newbie: OOhh
[9:52] Doctor Newbie: your cervix is contracted
[9:52] Patient: oh
[9:53] Doctor Newbie: i’m going to but a bladder cather in for a urine sample
[9:53] Patient: yes doctor
[9:53] Doctor Newbie: ok
[9:53] Doctor Newbie: your pregnate
[9:54] Doctor Newbie: yes im sorry you have a few plans you can use
[9:55] Doctor Newbie: would you like to hear them
[9:55] Patient: yes plz doctor
[9:55] Doctor Newbie: 1 you can keep the baby
[9:56] Doctor Newbie: 2but it up for adoption
[AT THIS POINT THE GIRL STOOD UP AND TELEPORTED OUT]
[9:56] Doctor Newbie: 3 aportion

Well, I can only assume that she didn’t like her diagnosis or her options, as she didn’t hang around to hear the last one. Either that or she needed some time alone after finding out that she had a contracted cervix and an oversized ‘uteris’. Then again she might just be somewhat concerned that someone has removed her uterus and replaced it with a ‘uteris’ in the first place. I would also like to know the meaning of the adjective ‘pregnate’ and what the Hell an ‘aportion’ is. Can you imagine actual doctors giving people medical notes like that.

Anyway, following her departure the guy was somewhat keen to check whether Jenee had any medical problems, funnily enough not something she was keen to discuss with him!

We decided to explore and have a little try at some of the medical equipment ourselves!

Do you come here often?

It's a bit chilly in here!

It was just a really odd place. They had a list of staff available with their online status in case you needed medical help. I mean really…. what on Earth would people get out of this? How is an oversized uterus sexy? Maybe I’m missing something here? Anyway, aside from the oddball nature of the place, I did bag myself some freebie souvenirs…

Supplies!!

Now, I don’t know about you lot, but they don’t hand the equipment out at my local hospital. I feel shortchanged!

If you have a bizarre medical fetish, get turned on by morgues or heart attacks or whatever…or you just want to watch Doctor Newbie in action, you can find this hospital here.