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Isn’t it wonderful? That inventory thing? It’s like a really big suitcase on speed. You can fit everything in it and there’s still room for more (subject to Linden Lab loading it right, of course). I mean, what kind of bag in real life can you pack your entire house into… including bricks and mortar? It’s absolutely incredible.

Of course, such a big bag could easily become disorganised, as we all know. My inventory needs a good sort through every week or so to get things in the right folders. But MY inventory is actually one of the more sensible.

Sensible. Practical.

It just keeps things simple. In fact, up until a few weeks ago I never let my inventory grow beyond 5000. But things changed… Textures in texture organisers, note cards purged regularly and I still exceeded 5000. Then 6000. Then 7000. But still, it’s sensible, I think. And if anyone does question how practical MY inventory is, allow me to provide you something to compare it with.

Not so sensible. Not so practical.

This is Skylar Smythe’s inventory. 29473 items. And that comes after she cleared out almost 10000 items in a 24 hour mega purge. I have a question. HOW MANY SHOES DOES ONE AVATAR NEED? Are you centipedes?

Such inventory chaos, in my experience, comes from poor mathematics. Let me clarify.

SKYLAR: I don’t have anything to wear.
JOSUE: You have 30000 items in your inventory. You are telling me that not one of them is a dress?
SKYLAR: But not the type of dress I can wear to go to that party.

Ok, let’s be incredibly kind to Skylar and assume that half of her inventory is made up of note cards, textures and objects…essentially non clothing items. And believe me, that is being generous. That leaves 15000 items of clothing. Let’s say that half of those are casuals and accessories that might not be suitable for a formal event. That leaves 7500. Let’s say that each outfit has ten separate items inclusive of footwear…again generous. That’s 750 suitable outfits. There are 52 weeks in a year. If one attends even 3 formal events in a week (once again, optimistic), you will need 156 formal outfits each year. That means that there are sufficient formal outfits with 750 to ensure that the same one need not be worn twice in a period of 4 years, 9 months, 2 weeks. Can I also add that Skylar has not even been in Second Life for 2 years yet. And I think that it is fair to assume that after a period of almost 5 years, people will have forgotten what the dress you wore that night looked like and thus it is safe to wear it again. So how is that anyone can justify needing another dress under these circumstances? Of course, Skylar has an answer for that too.

“Well I don’t like the ones I have.”

First up, why buy them then? Secondly, then why not sell them or trash them, since you’ll never ever wear them because they are so unlikeable? But of course this is a ludicrous suggestion, one that will never be accepted it and I am the ridiculous one for even making such a suggestion. It’s true… I am ludicrous. I mean, how completely hideous of me to suggest deleting something that will never be used. It’s a far more practical option to leave it sitting in an inventory doing nothing but clogging loading times for all eternity. How cruel of me to even suggest otherwise.

I can understand shopping habits in Second Life™. I shop in Second Life too, believe it or not. But when I have decided I won’t wear something again or I don’t need something, I either pass it off to someone else (if transfer) or I delete it. Apparently this is offensive to the chronic inventory hoarders. Because, of course, you never know when you might one day need that dodgy yellow dress with the green spots, neon pink shoes and funky headband thingie that you only bought because you logged in drunk one night and it seemed like a good idea when under the influence of two thirds of a bottle of tequila. And you couldn’t possibly delete those shoes that you really, really hate because one day in the future you might just think to yourself, “God I wish I had some footwear I hated right now,” right?

I have come to accept that I will never understand Skylar’s inventory issues. There are no help groups as yet for inventory problems and so Skylar will continue to battle it alone.

In the meantime, I have decided that I should never rely on her being able to find anything in that inventory.

“Babe…. do you have that note card I needed?”
“Sure, I’ll start looking now and I should have it for you next March.”

According to those apparently in the know (as detailed in this article) the future of online shopping lies in virtual stores perhaps reminiscent of Second Life, whereby people can take an avatar to an online store, try items on and then order them there and then. Now this is all good. However, I plead with retailers planning to take this route to leave out the following three elements of Second Life shopping, as I cannot imagine it will do much for your sales!

1. The noob wearing the giant penis.
Ok, so they hang around stores in Second Life using such amazing chat lines on the female avies, such as ‘hey you have naughty fun with me’. As entertaining as it is to watch, I don’t imagine that chasing your customers around your virtual stores with penises in an odd shade of pink will do much to increase sales figures.

2. The spammy greeters
Your customers do not need to receive 15 advertising items in the first ten seconds of their being in your store. It does not make them want to come back. It makes them want to hurt you.

3. The bling
Bling is hideous. There are no two ways about it. If you want to sell something that is going to blind everyone within a ten mile radius why not just get straight to the point and poke them in the eye with a stick?

Just advice, is all!