This month saw Gold Coast, Australia, host the Tourism Futures Conference.

That in itself might not interest Second Lifers, but the fact that a particularly prominent speech given mentioned worlds like Second Life™ as being integral in the future of tourism may grab your attention. Laura Papworth, who is a social network strategist, highlighted how virtual worlds and the related technology will effectively “make or break” tourist industry businesses. She anticipates a time in the not so distant future when we will be walking into a holiday resort in a virtual world, deciding we like it and speaking to a representative there and then to make our booking.

I agree, actually. I think that shopping and retail in general is headed in that direction. I’m no expert, like. I just like to think that one day I can do my grocery shopping in Second Life and have a shopping trolley (yes, that’s ‘trolley’ and not a ‘cart’) that travels at 100 miles per hour and sings the theme tune to Ghost Busters every time I drop something in it. Anyway, inside voice, Josue. Inside voice.

Moving on.

What I would suggest, however, is that they maybe use their own open sim style setups. Personally, if I walked into a virtual holiday resort that had anything vaguely resembling a welcome hub in world, I would be tempted to tell the rep that there is no way I will take my young son to a holiday resort where odd looking people run around with oversized and frankly bizarre looking penises on display over polka dot pants and screaming, “We do the sex?” Nor would I particularly care to go to a resort where I will be logged out, erm I mean, sent home, as soon as more than 80000 land in the country.

Anyway… you’ll have to excuse me. I have a Ghost Buster-esque shopping trolley to build.

Begging for Lindens is nothing new.

When you have been in Second Life™ long enough, you just tend to get used to it. Whether it’s newbies asking, “How do I make money in Second Life?” or straight asking you to “lend,” them a couple of thousand Lindens or whether it’s randomers walking up to you and trying to sell you something they just got free. And while it is fair to say that tipping is very much different to people begging, some clubs and venues are really beginning to blur the line of separation between the two.

I am all for venues (not businesses who are selling items) leaving out donation jars, DJs leaving out tip jars etc. And if I go somewhere and enjoy myself, I will happily tip. What pisses me off is walking into a club or venue and being harrassed by chatting objects, gestures and staff for Lindens. You know what I mean… “SHOW YOUR DJ SOME LINDEN LOVING! Tip your manager, tip the manager’s assistant, tip the hostess, tip the performer, tip your host’s best friend’s little sister, tip the DJ’s pet cat, Molly, tip the performer’s uncle’s next door neighbour’s plumber!” It’s really quite annoying. If I walked into a restaurant or club in real life and the staff were harrassing me for tips, they would probably get rather a rude response from me.

When all is said and done, most performance venues and clubs in Second Life operate at a loss. They are there purely as a hobby of the owner and for the entertainment value of the residents who go there. I do appreciate that. And as such, as I said, I am quite happy to tip in places I like. But no matter how much I like a location, if I am being continually harrassed about tipping or donating, I will leave and I will not return.

Leave your tipjars in a noticeable place and save yourself the time it takes to nag people. If they want to tip, they will tip. If they don’t, then they will not, regardless of how much you make a song and dance about it. And just so you know, putting a load of stupid and pointless symbols in front of your “tip me,” gesture, will not make us any more likely to tip.

“*!*!*!*!*!*!*! SHOW YOUR SEXY HOSTESS SOME LINDEN LOVING *!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*”

To me, that reads like, “I can’t even be arsed to type my begging request out so I have it preprogrammed into a gesture. Give me your money for standing around during an event pretending to care that you’re here while I am secretly seducing my boyfriend in IM.”

And one more thing… your 1024sqm parcel venue does not need 27 tip jars. Really.

There are over 13.5 million search results on Google for “Second Life.”

The first ones of course are all the official SL webpages and related stuff, followed by a good few SL resources. In fact, much of the crap is off the first couple of pages, thankfully. But getting near the top of the search results isn’t the only way to be seen.

Thanks to Google ads anyone had a shot at getting themselves seen, as this shows:-

I clicked. No, I’m not married and no I would have no intention of an extramarital affair even if I was. But I wanted to be nosey. And none of it even mentions Second Life anywhere. Which means only one thing… they have chosen Second Life as a keyword simply because they have a strong enough belief that people searching “Second Life,” are likely to be those looking for a bit on the side.

Now that’s actually fairly offensive to those of us who don’t login to have sex with other people’s spouses. And in my indignant moment of “I should bang the world to rights,” I did look for a ‘contact us’ on their website. There isn’t one. It is probably a good thing.

Anyway… these people run a website dedicated to hooking up people for extramarital affairs. I doubt highly that they possess enough moral fibre to particularly give a crap about labelling us all the same. But for those of you who are looking to have extramarital affairs, at least you know where to go now

We’ve heard pretty much all there is to hear about Second Life™ in the press, I think. If the RL press it to be believed the average Second Lifer never leaves their parent’s basement, lives off home delivered pizza, is a closet nyphomomaniac, might one day hunt you down in real life and attempt to kill you and probably smells bad as they never leave their computer long enough to shower.

/me sniffs self.

No, I’m ok!

But anyway, of course us ‘insiders,’ the members of this community who really understand its value and potential know differently about its members. But I bet not many of us knew this…

Apparently, creating a Second Life can encourage people to get fitter and healthier. Now that’s a new one. According to this article researchers at RTI international think that having a thin and athletic avatar will encourage our handlers to go out and get physically fit.

I’m sceptical. Surely if the same science could be applied in every case, the furries should be trying to find a home in the zoo, the Nekos should be discussing ear and tail enhancing surgery with their doctors. And what about the guys playing girls and vice versa. By the same concept would a male with a female avatar feel encouraged to go out and, well… become a woman?

And then, after asking myself these questions, I read the article properly.  RTI conducted this ‘research’ in something of a bizarre manner. First of all they only interviewed 29 Second Life residents. 29?!?! There are 19 million registered users and around 80000 on at any one time. They saw a fair and fit sample as 29 of them? They ionterviews ‘half’ of the particpants using an obese avatar interviewer and half using a thin one (I want to know what process they used to split the 29th avatar in half). To quote from the article,

“The study found that participants interviewed by the thin avatar were more likely to report that their own avatar shape was thin than those interviewed by the obese avatar. The average body mass index (BMI) reported by participants was also higher when interviewed by the obese avatar than was reported by those interviewed by the thin avatar.

The researchers also found that almost three-fourths of respondents interviewed by a thin avatar described their avatar shape as thin, while only one-third of respondents interviewed by a heavy avatar described their avatar shape as thin.”

So in essence what they are saying is that people with higher weight feel more comfortable discussing it with someone of equal or greater weight than they do with someone smaller. I concur with that, as it happens. But surely that is nothing new? They could have walked into any weight loss club or even High School in the world and found that out. I fail to see how a thin avatar, though would encourage its handler to go and get physically fit.

My avie has a perfectly toned torso and pretty boy hair. Would I go out to look like that in RL? That hair? No way. I’d be laughed out of the pub.

Oh what a load of bollocks.

There’s no shortage of Second Life tutorials around, right?

So there’s simply no need for me to add to the millions and millions of sources of  ‘how to build in Second Life’ and ‘how to walk in a straight line in Second Life’ style pages.

One thing I have noticed a severe shortage of, however, are USEFUL Second Life tutorials! Real ones! The ones that tell us something that is actually useful on a day to day practical social basis. Call it tutorials for the socially inept assholes, the ones who, unfortunately, make up a rather sizeable minority in SL. Obviously these idiots are the ones who get all the press coverage that makes the rest of the world decide that Second Life is full of people like those.

So, let me introduce part one of my Second Life Tutorials for Assholes series.

LOGGING THE FUCK OUT!

Ideal for: people who have no left the house in seventeen weeks and whose children are currently screaming because they haven’t been fed all day.

Useful because: for those of us who balance our Second Lives and Real Lives well, we don’t want to listen to your suffering children screeching for your attention every second of the day because you are too busy with your pixel partner to get them dressed.

The process: Hit CTRL-Q. Alternatively you can click on the little X in the top right hand corner.

Also a good idea for: anyone who ever even considers the acquisition in world of freebie multiplying Mario cubes. Contrary to popular belief, griefing with your freebie tools does NOT extend your penis.

Yes, I know… I’m very helpful. Well, you know me… just doing my bit for the community!

Ok, now I have officially heard it all.

For anyone who does not know what Reiki is, it is essentially a form of ‘natural healing’ which involves a Reiki Practitioner placing their hands just lightly over the body of the patient in several different positions. This, apparently, can cure all types of physical and mental pain and problems such as grief or insomnia.

Now, call me a cynic if you will, but I struggle to see how someone stroking my belly would get me over grief. But anyway. Most of the web sources I looked into about Reiki say the patient can wear clothing (and even plaster casts) as the Reiki is so powerful that it can reach through your clothing.

But can it reach through a thick layer of pixels, a couple of PC monitors and a few thousand miles of cable?

One practitioner seems to think so. So, riddle me this, Batman. If Reiki involves someone laying their hands on your body, how is it that a certain person in world seems to think they can heal the REAL LIFE YOU by touching your avatar? Ok, so it’s fairly obvious that this is either another of those common cases of ‘I’ll tell you anything for a few Lindens,’ or it’s a weird fetish. Surely.

The classified I came across offering this service in world claims that the healer can use your avatar as a ‘link for distance treatment’. For 500L for 15 minutes of course. Now if I were cynical about Reiki in the first place, you can bet I’m pissing myself laughing at the concept of my pixels lying down on a table, being stroked a bit and suddenly everything in the world is hunky dory for the RL me. And there’s a few people offering this service too. Am I being entirely unreasonable in failing to see how, for one second, someone’s pixel hands hovering over my pixel body is going to send a transatlantic miracle via a series of high speed electronic cables right into my life? My modem is shuddering at the prospect.

What a load of bollocks. Surely.

Pixel Scoop’s highly advanced, trained, armed, lethal and dangerous team of super-brave and mega-tough secret agents (ok, ok, me with a bazooka that shoots couches) went undercover, risking life and limb to highlight the abuse and mistreatment in Second Life™ of the minority population of alts.

What we uncovered was hideous by any standard, a complete breach of avatar rights in every single way. Some of you may be shocked and for those who are easily upset, we recommend proceeding no further in your reading of this article.

As we all know, the alt population is much higher than official statistics would have us believe. Some experts in the field actually believe that alts could make up as much as 40% of the population. Some say it far exceeds that. The alts that we met told us that statistics would forever be innacurate, as some primaries really do take alts under their wing in such a way that one would never even know that avatar was an alt. For most, however, they are not so lucky and horribly difficult circumstances, dismal living conditions, poverty, neglect and abuse are part and parcel of their everyday life.

We caught up with two alts, who, for fear of repercussions from their respective primaries asked to remain unnamed. For the purposes of this piece, we will refer to them as Bob and Betty. They both tell similar tales of woe about their arrival into world. They were summoned to life by primaries who have since failed to care for them in any way that would be deemed acceptable. Pixel Scoop followed them to uncover their inhumane living conditions.

While Bob’s primary enjoys life on a private island with 3750 prims, beaches, lakes, mountains and a beautiful house, Bob scrapes together his belongings in a plastic carrier bag and trawls from pillar to post in search of somewhere to rest his head. He told us,

“When I first arrived in world, I spent most of my nights laying my head wherever I could. I didn’t have a place to call home. Nobody was interested in helping me and I had little choice other than to just rest wherever I lay. I’m ashamed to admit that sometimes I would rest in other people’s homes. If their doors were unlocked I would wander in and lay down until they returned… they would often ban me on sight. They wouldn’t give me chance to explain. They were not interested in my story. To them, I am just vermin . I’m scum. I’m just some tramp sleeping on their couch. Desperate for help I went to the primary who brought me here. He has a full island. It’s beautiful. I asked him if he could just spare me ten prims for a bed somewhere. He laughed and told me he would never dream of having me on his island. He didn’t want his friends to see me. I was just an embarrassment to him. Occasionally when he needed my help, he would pay me some attention. On one occasion he was nice to me, needed me for something. But when he was done he just left me there at the bottom of the ocean on a laggy mainland sim. I was there for three weeks. When I finally got out I vowed to myself that I would find myself a place. That’s how I ended up where I live now. It’s rancid and derelict. It’s an old abandoned warehouse in a very bad area and the place is full of griefers and drug dealers. But at least when it rains, I don’t get completely soaked now. I will stay here for as long as I can.”

Bob looks out at his derelict 'home'.

The story was also terrible for Betty. When Betty was brought into world her primary left her to fend for herself on a terribly dangerous part of the mainland. While Betty’s primary enjoyed life with 1000 prims and a koi pond, a stunning skybox and high end animated furniture, Betty had 117 prims and a library standard cabin with no door. She told us,

“My primary made it clear from the start that I should expect nothing from her. She was happy with her life and her beautiful parcel. She had friends she would never let me meet. It was made clear to me from the beginning that really, I was on my own. She would only summon me if she needed something, which wasn’t often. She gave me a rancid little spot on the mainland. I live there still and am surrounded by ban lines. Some nights I just sit in my cabin on my library bed with no animations and I just stare into space asking, ‘why me?’ I just don’t feel that I was ever bad enough to deserve this life. Heck, I can’t even lie down on my bed. She wouldn’t even give me a sleeping animation. I am eternally awake.”

Some days, Betty just stares at the walls.

These living conditions are common for Second Life alts. And it isn’t just their living conditions. Most alts, simply because of the failure on the part of their primaries to provide them with adequate skills, clothing and contacts, are entirely unable to obtain any form of employment to support themselves. Alts sometimes don’t even have enough money to upload an image. Shocking, I know. Because of the poor employment prospects plaguing alts, there are now a number of unscrupulous characters in Second Life taking advantage. These are people running bot farms. Despite recent attempts by Linden Lab to protect the exploitation of alts in this way, as with anything, the underground trade continues. These bot farms are run by traffic falsifiers, who round up alts and leave them in a box often suspended in the sky. There can be anything up to 80 of these alts crammed into a 20m by 20m space. It’s stuffy, uncomfortable and the alts are rarely paid. If they are paid, they can expect little more than a few Lindens per day.

But even that is not the worst fate these alts must face. We were shocked when Bob told us something much more horrific than we could ever have imagined.

“I know that my life would be so much better if I had companionship,” he began, “I know that where I live and where I sleep, what I do and how dismal life might seem at times, I know it would become irrelevant if I had love in my life. And I did meet someone once. She was a primary. I know what you’re thinking. You think I was asking for trouble by aiming so far out of my league as a primary. But really, she was into me. She thought I was funny. She said I was cool and cute. I took her to my place and even that derelict, hideous location I call ‘home’ did not put her off. She said it was quirky. But then it all went wrong. She kissed me using a HUD she had and then asked if I had some poseballs. I was awfully embarrassed to tell her that I didn’t have any. But still, she didn’t mind. She rezzed her own and we began to embark upon this incredibly sensual, erotic animation. She took her clothes off. I took mine off and realised I had no… you know… no thingie. She asked me straight out to attach one. I looked in my inventory and there was nothing there so I made a quick purchase of a free one from XStreet. She was getting excited, I could tell. I attached it and… well. That is where my life fell apart again. She stood up screaming. She said she wouldn’t have me penetrate her pixels with a freenis. I was mortified. She teleported away and she took her poseballs with her. So you see, I’m not even equipped for any intimacy.”

This, our research has revealed, is pretty much the normal situation for alts. Of the one thousand alts we interviewed for research purposes, 910 told us that they had substandard or no genitals and felt embarrassed about even trying to be intimate. The same survey we conducted also uncovered some shocking clothing statistics. 98% of alts have clothes that their primary passed over. Cast offs. 85% say that most of their wardrobe is made up of free items and blingy shoes. In fact, SLhealth Authorities are concerned that with so much bling usage amongst alts, the next decade or so could really see a huge problem with bling related health problems. These include blindness, WannaBeAGangsta Syndrome, Stupidity and Chronic Pixel Melanomas.

During the course of our investigations, we were shocked at just how many alts are shunned to areas of the grid such as Korea. Such infohubs are often the ‘home’ location for alts who are unable to set the place they sleep as their home location. This means that whenever they are teleported ‘home’, they return to Korea. Of the 1000 alts we interviewed, 999 said they had been teleported to Korea at least once, yet only 37 even speak a word of Korean. This means that well over 99% of alts are, at some time or another, subjected to finding themselves alone in a location in which they are unable to even communicate with the natives.

Another problem plaguing the alt population is that of repetitive strain injury. As most primaries ban the use of voice on their alts, typing is their only means of communication. Arthritis and other such related problems are on the increase.

So summarise, what our investigation uncovered is that alts are often homeless, sometimes left in the ocean for weeks on end, they are rarely ever able to instigate any form of intimacy and suffer from a severe lack of social contact owing to the refusal of the primary to allow them to mingle or network. Their only contact with other avatars is often Korea, where they are often unable to even understand the language. Alts have no access to animations most of the time and thus are left standing awkwardly (a problem SLhealth Experts see leading to posture issues in later life) or sitting in a funny position.

This is a serious problem affecting well over 95% of Second Life alts. Pixel Scoop has reported the findings of this study to several avatar rights organisations. We are preparing a report for Linden Lab.

In the meantime, we urge you… please look after your alts.

Another perfect world is a Channel 4 documentary, which aired on More 4 in the UK this week. I am always sceptical when it comes to documentaries about virtual worlds, as it seems they are frequently misinformed dramatisations centred around one case of some bloody nutcase who decides she is going to abandon her several children in favour of building a pixel home and having prim babies with some computer geek sitting in his Mother’s basement some ten thousand miles away.

However, I decided to give it a go on the understanding that this was apparently a little different. And indeed it was. Another Perfect World opens by describing the creators, founders and residents of virtual worlds as “the next generation of pioneers, pushing back the frontiers of a new civilisation and having to determine how to build healthy, functioning societies from nothing.” Instead of looking at exclusively at Second Life, this documentary tackles a number of virtual worlds and the problems and plus sides from a more educated and informed angle than the previous sensationalist TV offerings have done.

For Second Lifers, there’s an interview with Philip Rosedale and plenty of footage shot in Second Life.

It’s actually pretty interesting watching. I wno’t give a running commentary on it as that would defeat the object of you watching it. But for those of you in the UK, this is showing on More4 Catch up until 23rd July 2009. You can find that by clicking here. Anyone outside the UK, I don’t believe this will load for you! However, a quick Google search under “A Perfect World More 4,” just might yield results )

Enjoy!

Once upon a time in a virtual world, an avatar named Skylar Smythe decided that she could outdrink a youthful seasoned British binge drinker.

Unfortunately, Skylar (poor Skylar) could not quite keep up.

Sleep well, Sky

That was a question put to me in a random conversation with my wonderful companion, Skylar. The question related to Second Life users in general. Are Second Life users socially stunted, basement confined losers or are we this small minority of the world who have stumbled upon and helped to further develop this immense (and somewhat unknown) society?

Me? I reckon there’s both of the above floating around SL. There’s two types of people, as I see it: those who lose themselves here and those who find themselves here. The former of course are those who become so wrapped up in their pixel homes, their animated furnishings, pixel partners, their fancy new wardrobe and the escapist fantasy, that they don’t leave their computers – ever. Their homes and children are neglected, real life jobs (or job hunting) goes out the window and any form of existence outside of SL ceases. But, there’s enough bad press around already. There will always be new documentaries (like the ‘Wonderland’ documentary aired on the BBC in 2008) about those people. There’s no shortage of journalists eager to brand all SL users ‘sex-addicted losers’. I will not be contributing to the pile of hideously uninformed articles of that nature floating around already.

Instead, let me declare myself (in my hugely arrogant way) one of those latter types. And let me also add that most people I know fall into that category too; those who found themselves. That’s not to say I was wandering around life, in my pre-SL days, feeling lost. I certainly wasn’t sitting on a hill reading depressive lyrics to myself and contemplating the meaning of life. I was doing pretty much what I am doing now. I see friends (yes, the non-pixel types), I see family (yes, the non-pixel types), I work (yes, non-pixel work) and I have fun (yes, non-pixel fun). I really have not changed since being brought into Second Life by a real life friend almost 2 years ago. I like to think I have balance. And many of the people I know in Second Life have that same balance too. It’s not uncommon to hear, “Ok, I’m logging out, the kids are home,” or “Ok, I’m heading out for the day, see you later.” We, the self-declared latter category, do what we need to do. And then, we come to Second Life to enjoy its social, creative and business related opportunities.

And Second Life, for those of us who are maximising its potential, isn’t just a fancy chat room. No. Let me use people I know as examples (first names only, fine)! Skylar is using Second Life as a platform for artistic creativity, writing and performing some of the best poetry you will hear. In addition, she’s managing wonderful events, promoting new DJs…. marketing, marketing, marketing. Lauren is a stand up comedian, Explorer is educating people on the Holocaust, Pete is making a RL income selling his own scripted gadgets, Demi has her own magazine, Juan is teaching Spanish to complete beginners (who otherwise would have had no chance at learning it). And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. And when everyone is done with their in game tasks, they’ll go to their friends (in game) and relax, talk and laugh as closely (if not more so) as they would with real life friends they’ve known for years.

I’m constantly learning in Second Life. You meet someone from a random state in the US and during a conversation they will undoubtedly tell you something about that state you did not know. You meet someone from a far east country and through them you will learn something about a country whose name you might not even have previously been able to pronounce. And if learning through those you meet isn’t enough…. take your pick of the classes. Institutions like The Learning Experience, which offers around 30 free classes per week in all subject areas, are popping up all over the grid. What do you want to study? There’s probably a class in it! It’s incredible to see the educational potential of the platform being acknowledged too. Most of the major US Universities have a campus in game, many of the UK ones are following suit. It is accepted that this type of interactive learning experience can absolutely enhance the distance learning experience in a revolutionary way.

And the business opportunities? Ok, so you sell a couch in SL for about a dollar. That’s nowhere near as much as you’d sell one in real life, granted. But if you set up a furnishings store in real life and it all goes wrong, your wife will be rather pissed off when you are left in thousands and thousands of dollars of debt. And no, she will not take consolation from the fact that at least you have seventeen couches, three beds, four bedside tables, ninety-one lamps and a fridge. Especially not when you no longer have the house to put them in. What happens in Second Life if it goes wrong? You stop paying tier. Simple. What a great way to ‘practice’. The concept is the same. You create a product or offer a service and take financial reward for it. You need to market, you need to prioritise, you need to market some more and you need to perfect your product or service. You need to follow it up with top notch customer service and build a reputation. Sounds familiar? That’s because the basic concept is the same as with business in real life. Small scale hands-on practice. Spot on!

The creative opportunities and artistic expression flows in Second Life. Galleries, readings, machinima…. you don’t have to look far to come across some of the most artistically gifted people you will meet. And without Second Life, many of those people wouldn’t be expressing their creativity at all.

And finally the social (and possibly romantic) element… the side of it that attracts the most negative press. Those of our real life friends (non-second life users) who read the bad press, probably think we’re insane when we talk about SL. Why? Because the media portrays all of us as sex fiends who never leave our houses. So called ‘journalists’ create an avatar, log in, go to ONE NEWBIE SEX SIM, logout and declare that we are all complete nymphos with no lives. What wonderfully well educated and informed journalism. But Second Life allows you to meet and form bonds with people on the other side of the world, people from completely different walks of life, people you might never speak to if it weren’t for the platform. There are people in Second Life that I would go to for advice, plenty I laugh with, talk crap with and share ideas. How is that unhealthy? It’s not a new concept! For years and years people have communicated with people overseas by letter. Take soldiers in both world wars, for example, who received letters from women, often ones they’d never met, and wrote back and forth to these women for many years. Guess what? We are not the first people to communicate in that way! We just made it electrical. So what if you haven’t ever met that girl you spend all your time with? Does it matter? Is she any less real just because she happens to be a few thousand miles away? NO! If someone you have known in real life for years moves to the other side of the world and you can only communicate by phone, does that make them ‘fake’? Does it mean they don’t matter? Does it mean you are ‘weird’ for talking to them? Does it bollocks. And with particular thanks to in game voice, communicating with people in Second Life is as real as it gets. I don’t have a Second Life script. I don’t have flashcards of things I say to people. I don’t switch on the computer and become an entirely different person. I’m just me with a headset. And those I choose to keep company with adopt the same policy.

The only difference? You can’t touch your friends in Second Life. But then again…. I don’t touch my friends in real life so much either. I think if I walked into a pub, sat down with a friend and started stroking him, he might not be my friend anymore.

So…I conclude that we are super advanced. What other brand of human do you know who can teleport, fly and attach and detach their genitals, afterall?