Second Life Voice – You either love it or hate it.

I know plenty of people who will tell you that Second Life voice is demonic, that it is single handedly responsible for every bad thing in the world and that it should be banned. Forever. But… most people I know who choose not to use voice (either to listen or to talk)  accept that it is their choice to switch it off and therefore the world is good.

Me? I love Second Life voice. Absolutely love it. I think it makes Second Life so much more convenient, it enables you to get to know people on a more “realistic” level (insofar as you can hear intonation and their reactions to things you have said) and it makes relationships and friendships a whole lot more personal, in my opinion. As well as that, I’m a lazy bastard and if I don’t have to type then I won’t. But anyway….

There is this whole other third group of people… these are the people who choose to leave voice activated and on, thus they can hear people. But then they complain about being able to hear them! What is wrong with you people?! Don’t like it? Turn it off!!!!!

Now I agree that it can be annoying listening to a random and somewhat personal conversation in a store or something just because two people are not capable of going into private voice call. In fact, I personally prefer private call. But in social settings like parties and so on, a group of people might want to…. shock, horror…SPEAK! And there is nothing quite as annoying as people having the audacity to scream at people about using voice.

“I CAN’T HEAR THE DJ BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL ON VOICE!”

Then turn voice off. When you walk into a nightclub in real life, do you demand that people stop talking? Do you bollocks. Some of us are actually capable of listening to music and having a conversation at the same time. Remarkable what evolution can achieve, isn’t it?

Nobody is saying that everyone has to use Second Life voice. Absolutely not. And I’ve heard all sorts of reasons for people preferring not to and that is fine. But while the option is there for people to deactivate it if they do not wish to use it, why bitch? It’s like sims and venues where voice is turned off…I can never fathom why. Surely it should be the user’s choice primarily. Someone once told me that they turn voice off at their club because they don’t want people distracted by voice chats, thus excluding those who have to type. I pointed out that if people wanted to continue voice chats, they would do so in a private call anyway, therefore leaving them still ‘distracted’. “No,” she insisted, “If voice is off at a venue, you cannot use private call either.” That’s bullshit. Private call works anywhere regardless of the voice status of that sim. So if people want to talk, they will anyway. That does not mean you have to listen. But make your mind up. Either turn it off and don’t listen, or leave it on and do listen. But having Second Life voice switched on and then complaining that people are using it is akin to handing out free money and complaining that people are spending it.

Urgh.

I personally love Second Life™ voice. Afterall, it saves me so much typing that I genuinely believe my chances of ever getting repetive action induced arthritis in my fingers are substantially reduced. Well. Maybe. Anyway, that isn’t the point. I love voice because it enables you to relate to people on a more personal and genuine level. Ok, so cue all the anti-voicers complaining that it excludes the deaf or that it’s unreliable and so on. Myself, I find SL voice to be just as reliable as Skype or any other VOIP service. And while I can appreciate that the deaf may feel excluded by voice in world, anyone with an ounce of consideration, myself included, would type for the benefit of those in that situation.

But anyway, I’m not writing to debate the pros and cons of voice in virtual worlds. I love it. You won’t change my mind. What I don’t like, however, are those who are incapable of using their microphones. It is not rocket science, is it? Switch on, don’t swallow it, mute when belching. It’s simple…. you would think.

In particular this is a problem at voice events, such as stand up comedy, spoken word and poetry events or staged plays. So here we have it, the biggest mic faux-pas!

1. The Love Poem… Interrupted

Shall I compare thee to a…… giant belch? It doesn’t matter how talented you are. It doesn’t matter how beautiful your imagery is. It really is irrelevant just how much emotion you packed into that poetic masterpiece of yours. When you belch it, it’s hideous. And this doesn’t just apply to readers of poetry. It applies to everyone. Belching down the microphone deliberately? Really? For the ‘isn’t it funny when I belch?’ types, I suggest www.virtualkindergarten.com/stopbeingsofrikkinsick. Yes, farting down the mic is disgusting too. Really… grow up. Get some decorum.

2. The One That Nobody Heard

Leaving your microphone on the next continent means that nobody can hear you, no matter how high they turn up their volume. JUST PUT THE MIC CLOSER TO YOUR BLOODY MOUTH!

3. Whoah, Not THAT Close!

You might have the best microphone in the world, but my guess is that it doesn’t taste so great. And I’m thinking nobody else particularly wants to hear you attempt to swallow it. And here’s a hint, you probably don’t need to scream down the microphone. We have headsets too. You don’t need to rely on the wind to carry your message across the Atlantic.

4. Not Suitable For Everyone

Some things really ought to be kept to a private voice call. Some seem to fail to realise that everyone around you on the spatial voice channel can hear you. And certain more intimate moments really should not be shared. There is no need to tell the entire of the store you are in what you want her to do with her nipples. By the same token she really needn’t tell half of that PG welcome area where she wants you to put your tongue. PRIVATE CALL, PEOPLE!

5. Ouch!

Static hurts. It’s that simple. If your mic is broken, if it crackles, if it screams, if it whirrs… if people constantly tell you your micrphone hurts their ears, don’t use it. Give your work to someone else to read and please just type. It’s the Second Life equivalent to standing next to someone and repeatedly hitting them across the face with a heavy, blunt object.

6. The Time To Mute

If someone else is reading or performing, why is there always one person who insists upon having their mic on hands free in order that, as well as the performed, we can hear said audience member’s children, dogs, husband, breathing and typing. Find the mute button. Please.

7. The Voice DJs

Want to DJ? GREAT! Get a STREAM like the rest of the pixel population. You don’t have to walk around the entire grid with your mic on hands free belting out dodgy tracks over your speakers. In fact, it would be a lot better if you didn’t.

A quick search indicates a lack of ‘Microphone Etiquette’ classes in world. Someone should fix that.

And don’t forget the golden rule…never trust yourself on hands free when drunk